Blake

The shifter raised her brow as the elemental ignored her, instead assaulting Fen. "Where are you looking? The hero is before you, yet you target someone else? You are a wretched beast." With a scoff, her body shifted once more, plating itself as her wings seemed to slide back in, causing her to free fall. Using the momentum, she faced straight down, watching the earth itself come ever closer, the chrome and black plating covering her body just enough to form a shell... Before pulling up a mere moment before hitting the ground. As she flew back into the sky, high above the fight, her legs had been replaced by a long, flowing tail with the same plating as the rest of her body, and wings that looked like a single sheet of green plexiglass jut from her back, arcing towards the sky and glowing ever so slightly. "Helldive Slasher!" Letting herself fall into free fall again, Shannon began to spin from high in the sky, creating a slip stream around her body as she aimed for the Elemental's chest... And hitting her mark true, breaking through the brittle bones in an instant before pulling back up into the sky, her spinning slowly coming to a halt as she looked back down on the foe she had torn through. The flames seemed to grasp at the shattered bones, trying to pull it together again. It served that foolish creature right. But, something was wrong. A fit of coughing took the shifter by storm, blood coating her hand as she did. Why? Why was this small amount enough to cause this? She... she had mastery of her form! It didn't matter that these abilities were new, it...! Her body started to return to a more human form as she found herself falling for the third time, trying to contain her coughing. She was the hero! She was Shannon Almaz! The savior! Why was she... having... so much trouble...?

partner is no brainer but class sure

kekw

Time for a ramble that is not totally dissimilar from a review! "Ready to" find out? Yes, the acclaimed furry anime from last year. @Kazooie was recommended to watch it by a friend, and knowing the little I did about it, I had no objections to it. So we kinda just... binged it today. BNA: Brand New Animal is a 12 episode series about Michiru Kagemori, a human girl who has somehow been turned into a beastman, human-like beings that can shift into anthropomorphic animal forms. Or, rather, the animal forms are their base form. Think dragons in many sorts of mythologies. Anyway, we meet her trying to escape to Animacity, a safe haven for beastmen within Japan. The rest of the country teems with anti-beastmen sentiments and terrorists, so it's all she can do to survive, other than staying in her room back home. After arriving, she meets a wolf beastman, and the story continues from there, exploring the underbelly of the city and events surrounding it. The first episode feels way more like a prologue than an actual episode, but that's a nitpick. Now, before I continue on to the meat of the post, let me meander for just a moment. I've criticized series like Eden of the East in the past for being sociopolitical commentary that forgets it's meant to be a show that people watch. For all the good points it brought up (supposedly, haven't watched in like 8 years and try my best to block it out) about Japan and society at whole, it just... didn't. It didn't. It didn't have compelling characters, it didn't have an interesting or well written story, it didn't have memorable music, the only lasting thing I remember was the abundance of the phrase Noblesse Oblige. It came across preachy and witless, rather than actual commentary. It's the most boring anime I've ever watched. Brand New Animal blew its fellow sociopolitical commentary series out of the fucking water. Let's start with lighter stuff. The very start of the OP that plays when you fire the first episode up has stuff like Dogway and Bud Walrus, just little jokes like that peppered about. On top of this, there are some more blatant, but funny, bits that show up. Like in Episode 5, which has a baseball plot, there was a bear that I asked "wait, why do they look like Pooh Bear?" About that... But yeah, the series has plenty of humor. Like using the animation to have a character get bounced up and down by someone hitting them into the ground. Which... is funnier when you see it than when I say it. But you get the point! For actual story and pacing... It's mostly episodic, but there is an overarching plot. But the pacing on that steady plot advancement, as well as most episodes, is rather well done. It never really feels rushed or like it's dragging, with the exception of the last 3 episodes. That's... probably the biggest issue with the series. BNA needed between 2-4 more episodes to really fit it all in. Episodes 2-9 felt expertly paced, but then 10, 11, and 12 were, well... Rushed puts it lightly. The ideas and twists within them make sense, but the execution and timing makes it feel kinda like it jumped the beluga. It's sad, cause I think i would have given this an almost perfect score up until that point. As for animation and artstyle... I'm not really the enby to ask, as a rule of thumb, but I enjoyed it. The first episode felt very 80s Anime, with the vaporwave turned up to 11. It was very striking in a great way, and later scenes feel very fluid. I did notice, especially in later episodes, that there were a lot more weird stills than I think were needed, but that's just a nitpick from me. I think the character designs were also spot on, both human and animal forms. Characters wore their hearts on their sleeves in either mode thanks to design decisions, and it made the world feel vibrant, despite being a fairly generic city setting at most points. For a fun fact, while Bree and I knew Michiru was a girl from the start, @PhoenixOfCute (and @(␀) who told me as such over Discord) couldn't tell if Michiru was male or female at a glance, and the choice in voice actress didn't exactly help. I just think that's neat. Next on the docket, we have characters. While many characters stand out in a great way, the two leads, Michiru and Shirou, manage to lead the pack by far. Both of them feel like they grow a lot as people throughout the 12 episodes, with some rather shocking, yet logical, decisions being made by both of them. They also play off of each other extremely well, in a way that reminded me of Ace Attorney characters. If I had to compare them directly to characters, Michiru is kinda similar to Kay Faraday, while Shirou is reminiscent of Simon Blackquill, albeit a bit less snarky. Overall, cast is strong. So that leaves the message that the show wanted to share. Honestly? A lot. Racism, trafficking, and kind lies, just to name a few. And, while the racism theme is probably the second strongest... The biggest message is about individuality. Identity. Not in the sexual or gender sense (though there was a subtle bit relating the two), but just about how we view ourselves and the world at large. How we fit into it. How others perceive us. It's mostly done through Michiru in less blatant ways throughout the series, with the beginning and end being obvious, but it still stands out as the message, to me. That no one is simply the sum of their parts, defined by what others see or believe. That the choices made FOR us are not things that we should be defined by, should we not wish to be. It felt very progressively minded as a whole, but never felt preachy. MC does have a little bit of limelight she grabs, but when given an opportunity to get preachy, she only does so ONCE. When trying to do a pep talk, so it still doesn't come across as preachy. I really, really appreciate the approach they took here. I only mentioned a few of the lessons, but there are more that they explore, and I think they're handled well. All in all, I would absolutely recommend BNA: Brand New Animal. It's not perfect, probably earning around an 8.5/10 from me, but it has so much heart, so much good execution before the rushed finale that I can't help but appreciate it. There are times when it was almost gutwrenching, times when it made me tear up, but it's not the most heartbreaking story. Just mildly heartbreaking! All in all, good story beats and lessons, great cast, good music choices (though i didn't touch on that, oops), and very pleasing to the eyes. I absolutely enjoyed this experience, and I'm glad that Bree brought the recommendation up. Time to pass it on!

-Investigation- April watched the monkey shift about nervously, cocking her head like a confused dog as he began to stutter and stumble over himself... via telepathy, no less! Wonders never ceased! "I-I didn't possess it, I didn't even want this I got put and well I'm not sure exactly how but-" And suddenly it had devolved into monkey noises, the telepathy broken. The monkey man wandered away, seeming very at odds with himself as April just watched, pouting. He was so interesting! There was so much to investigate! But... she had to respect his privacy. He seemed uncomfortable, so pushing it would just make it worse. Growing a huge grin, she bounced to her feet and waved, calling out to him. "Bye Mr. Monkey! Please talk to me later when you're feeling better!" Hooray! She had made plans with another person! Well, a monkey. But there was a person inside the monkey, and that was what mattered most! Or... was it? As soon as they had crested the stairs, April absentmindedly wandered away from the group as she pondered the nature of such a being. Is the body what matters? Or is it the spirit housed within? Or was it simply the ability to communicate? Even as she wandered down a hall, she didn't notice how far separated she had become until she heard a small growl from behind her. Upon turning around, she was met with a small cat-like creature, with a PPL of 20 and standing no taller than 2 feet on its hind legs. "Awww, you're so cuuute!" the girl squealed before kneeling down, beckoning for the creature to approach with her hand, "Even if you're a spirit, I've never seen one like you~" With a yowl, the cat leaped from where it was, smacking April's extended hand and tearing through it with its claws, prompting a cry of pain from April. As the girl stumbled back, the cat tried to pounce upon her, leaving her just enough time to roll of out the way and get back up, heading down the hall. "Oh come oooooon," she whined as she ran from the creature, ducking or hopping when it tried to pounce, blood trickling down her arm, "I was being niiiiiiice!" As she approached the staircase once again, the blood stopped, her hand having healed in the 30 seconds or so since it has been damaged, as if there had never been any harm. What could she do? She had no offensive abilities against spirits, she was just here because it sounded interesting to investigate! She whimpered a bit as she turned around at the staircase, watching as the small cat stalked her.

If we mean, like, consciously watching a show I could differentiate, then... probably Naruto? I’d seen bits of others before I knew there was any difference, namely stuff on adult swim, but I never paid it any mind beyond it just being another show. Naruto is probably the first one I actually followed and knew a difference tho, so yeah.

It was either Digimon or Card Captor Sakura. either way explains a lot

The shifter smiled at the success of her actions from behind the mask she had made, acting as if she took a hit from the creature's bone, unaware. Upon closer inspection, it was clear that she had removed the mask and caught the bone between her teeth, holding that same smile. With a hard crunch through the bone, the rest of the armor covering her form shifted back into normal, leaving strange hexagonal-patterned holes on her shoulders, forehead, elbows, and knees, the rest of her form back to the humanoid-dragon from before. "Come now, I won't have to call upon each of my allies here, will I?" The holes suddenly roared to life, small cyclones swirling out of them, creating a tempestuous, wild wind around the shifter as the elemental's hand approached... and blowing the flames away, though cinders remained as it grabbed at her. However, the girl remained calm, flapping her wings to just barely fly out of the grasp of her enemy, before looking around... And finding what she needed. "Mage boy!" the shifter called out, looking to Trevor, "It seems this body cannot efficiently manage attack and defense as one, as of now. So, I ask that you assist me, fellow chosen one!" Spinning quickly in response to another grasp, the girl slammed her tail, now coated in silver scales, not unlike those of a fish, into the elemental's hand. She used the momentum to fall towards the ground before pulling up, flying close to the elemental's body as she produced wind and temporarily ripping the flames from the body of her enemy, before flying up to look the creature in the eyes, that same smile never wiped away. As she spoke, she only exuded absolute confidence. "I am Shannon Almaz, the savior of this world and any other. I cannot fall to a brute such as you."

Huh... been a bit longer since I posted than I realized. But, well, here I am again. And I've just been... angry, since the last time I was posting. Nothing but event after event going wrong, environments that seemed good changing for the worst, negligence, and so on. I just... have no idea how to release this anger from inside of me. Expressing it in the moment feels good. At least, as good as expressing something akin to rage can feel without becoming destructive. Even with just my angry ranting, I still worry I'm hurting people with what I say. I don't want to make someone's day worse just because I'm upset. But I... I feel so small. So unimportant. So betrayed, on so many fronts. My chest hurts, swirling with anger and sorrow, and it's like there's a clog preventing them from draining out of me, yet I don't know what it is. I've... struggled with anger issues in the past. It's likely why I'm having trouble now, because I trained myself to control my anger. So that it wouldn't become true rage. So that I wouldn't lash out. So that I wouldn't hurt anyone with it. To the point I fear myself if I become angry. I know that's probably not healthy, but when push comes to shove... I had to do something. I had to find a way to control it. It's not like before when I just tamped it down, and I do have the ability to act on it healthily at times... But when you're in a position with no power. Where the hands to help you up are barely trying. When you're talked down to and treated like shit for no reason, because someone shows their true, manipulative colors... What can you do? How can you use your anger in a way that works well, without ruining what you mean to say? Without giving the wrong idea? ... I don't know. Everything is in flux. I hate power, but I also hate being so powerless. No idea when I'll get my car back. No idea when I'll have any vehicle at all. No idea when I'll be able to go to the store to buy groceries again, despite having no food. No idea why my job went from decent to hellish in the span of two weeks. I just want to gnash my teeth. To scream. To rant. To vent. To change something... but I have nothing. I can do nothing. I'm stuck here burning in rage and despair, trying to get it out of my system in a productive or, at least, non-destructive manner... but I just don't know. I hope things take an uptick soon... I could really, really use a break from the stress weighing me down...

-Awakening- April awoke from the nightmare with a start, eyes wide. She had never had a dream like that! Hell, she had only recently started having dreams, but this one felt more... real, somehow. And like she wasn't alone within it. Everything had changed so much recently, everything was so... exciting! Yes, despite the deep dread that the dream had instilled in her, April's face had a wide smile plastered onto it. Could something that powerful truly exist? She couldn't even began to imagine it! But maybe, just maybe, she could find out! Hopping out of bed, the girl stretched and hummed, heading straight to the door... before about facing with a laugh, having realized she almost walked out the door naked. That would have been quite the adventure! ----- -Investigation- April really wasn't sure what the big deal was. A spirit was in this big company building, but the man who hired them seemed so scared. Why? These things happened all the time, surely someone with money would know about it. But oh well, this was how people survived day to day, so she just had to do her job, yeah? That said, others in the crowd were interesting, especially the guy who spoke up... Or so she thought! Instead, she found something that almost made her jaw hit the floor... Well, if anatomy worked that way. Rushing over to him as he followed another girl, April bent down uncomfortably to keep eye level with Hari as she walked. "You're human, yeah? I can tell! How'd you get stuck in there!?" she giggled gleefully, rather than derisively, "I know spirits possess humans, but this is the first time I've heard of a human possessing something else!"

raincoats are nice

"Reeaaaoooooo!" the elemental made an inhuman, angered, noise. "You say Chosen? Ah.. Ahhhhhh! You are a puppet. Of the council!" "Mm? I cannot say I have heard of any council... But a leader cannot allow any harm to come to their fellow chosen ones! Miss Salvo, perhaps I can use your assistance, after all. Catch!" The shifter spoke, ejecting Melissa's unconscious body from their back. Once the girl began to fall, the dragon-humanoid body shifted more, blue metal plates appearing over their body as the heat approached. Forming a suit not unlike sentai, albeit with dragon horns poking out the top and crystalline hair still flowing behind, the shifter pulled clapped their hands together... And steam came pouring out of the joints of the suit and mask, the pressure from the sudden expulsion blowing away the flames coating the elemental's bony hand. "It is absurd that I would lose to the first foe," the feminine voice came out, still as calm as before, "Especially when I have been granted even more power than before!" Of course, the elemental's onslaught continued, but the shifter met it head on, slamming their armored right claw up into it with all of their force, smiling softly the whole while. Why, victory was a foregone conclusion here. She was a chosen one, after all.

Devin grit their teeth as they felt Melissa go limp once again, pulling to a stop in place as they took a deep breath. Just keep her safe. Follow the plan. That's all they needed to do. They could do it. Of course they could. After all, they were... As the shifter tried to gain more control of themselves, the shifting set in. More speed. More power. More lures. And so it began, their hair grew longer and crystalline, their ethereal wings began to take on a form of flesh and bone, filling in as they became leathery dragon wings, and a tail grew out, dragging down to the ground below, tip flicking absently. With only that much happening, Devin could feel their mind splitting a bit. This wasn't the right form. What if they acted out? What if they didn't take care of Melissa? What kind of hero would do that? But now wasn't the time. With a flap of their new, powerful wings, they took off, flying erratically to attract the sharks as much as possible with their dragging tail. They locked eyes on the elemental as the part of them holding Melissa began to grow diamond-like scales, hoping it would keep the girl a bit cooler. All they had to do was lure the sharks. The others could handle the behemoth after the sharks were out of the question, especially with that new girl appearing. Devin flew straight at the elemental after they decided enough sharks were pursuing them, and everything seemed to be going well... But, isn't that boring? The voice caught Devin off guard, their head feeling more like splitting than before. They didn't have to be cowards. They could prove how strong they were. Who the true hero was. Their face shifted a bit, becoming more pale and feminine as they approached the elemental, a confident, but calm, smile on their face. Charging straight at the point that Trevor had weakened, their arm suddenly shifting into scaled dragon claws, just in time to slice at the area free of flames. "Why, we don't need any help, Miss Salvo," a more refined, deliberate voice escaped Devin's lips, "I have this all under control. I am a chosen one, after all!"

Yeah... it’s just hard to reconcile it. We’re each the hero of our own stories, whether we feel/act like it or not... And it’s really hard to wrap your head around the fact that there isn’t something good waiting around the corner for you. It’s especially hard to look at something you love that used that part of you... and realizing that you should put it down. Not for anything it did wrong, but the fact that you aren’t able to weaponize or utilize that pain.

Faaaaaaair warning! There will be some spoilers for Bojack Horseman in this blog entry. I will try to keep them from being obvious, but please be warned. Thank you. ----- This one's gonna be a bit of a follow-up to the last two. Namely, the idea that comes after the stage where you experience those things. Feelings of spite. You'll prove how you can do it. They were wrong about you. You'll show them. Feelings of worth. Maybe you deserved it. Maybe you are bad. Maybe you have to work so much harder than everyone else to be even decent. Feelings of meaning. If you had to suffer, it must mean something. It was just a test. It will culminate in riches. Victory. Success. After all, what was the point if it doesn't end up... paying off, so to speak. And that's the main one I want to talk about. The idea that... all of the pain and suffering you experience somehow leads to something. As if you will, due to having to experience that, have a happy ending. Or use it as fuel. ... but that... isn't how life works. It doesn't amount to anything. It doesn't have to lead anywhere. It's just a shitty thing that happened to you. And, like accepting that it happened in the first place, this is a difficult pill to swallow. Our minds are not geared in a way that favors accepting that the past, present, and future are not truly linked. It's such a sad fact. In a story, these sorts of things lead somewhere! They're the thing that makes us want to see that character overcome, succeed, prove themselves! The world can be written to facilitate their pain as an outlet for growth! Life does allow us to grow through these things, but... it's suboptimal that they happened in the first place. And we have no guaranteed reward beyond the lessons we glean from them. And that fucking sucks. There has to be something that makes it worth it. There just HAS to be. Otherwise, it's hard to even continue on, all because of the past. I mentioned Bojack earlier, and I want to touch on a character from it... Last chance to avoid spoilers. As loathe as I am to admit it, she is probably the character I related to the most, despite not wanting to. Because I felt like she went too far at times. Because it was uncomfortable to relate to her. Because of resolutions like the above, which are terrifying to confront. Because of the fear that I could end up needing help with my issues, instead of just... being better. And it's scary. This isn't some philosophical talking point like before, but... my thoughts, laid bare. And maybe I should follow those footsteps, scary as they are. I need to learn to let go of this pain and suffering in the past. Being bound by these chains isn't helping anyone, much less myself. So I just... need to make a more conscious effort to break these fetters. Wish me luck.

"I see, I see... What else can I learn from this?"

So, I wanted to build off of the depression entry. To a degree, at least. I want to talk about abuse. And I'll start with personal experience. You can skip to the second divider, if you don't wish to read this section. --- My dad was abusive. He never got to hit me, beyond a belt on my rear, thanks to my mom... but he was extremely emotionally abusive. He looked for any and all opportunities to belittle me or scold me, and then took them out on my mother instead if she objected, only to redouble on me. To make sure I wasn't an embarrassment to him. That I never even considered crossing him. He was the MAN of the house. What he said went. His wife was to be a stay-at-home mother who cooked and cleaned. His son was to be a clone of him who would exist only to make him look better. The Bible "said" he was to be the head of the household and in charge. So, of course, having a woman who didn't simply bow to him bothered him. Having a child be a child was unacceptable. Even my cousins were given similar treatment, especially before I was born. Like attempting to beat my older cousin with a brush for touching his bag when he had just returned from a trip. Where he cheated on my mother. But that's another story. Or how about instilling his young child with fear so great that a 6 year old was scared of burning in hell for not being perfect? Scared that the rapture would take place and leave them behind? My mother's parents as well. There's a laundry list that's come from my mother and her siblings about their childhoods, but the present is more pressing. Treating everyone around them like slaves. Gma pitting every single family member against each other, if given a chance. Resenting anyone that doesn't follow the plan she's set up. My gpa hit my mother recently for disagreeing with him. He threatened to call the cops on me if I ever disagreed with him. Told me we never made a deal for me to drive, and that I was a lying thief. Threatened to shoot us for not serving a meal he wanted, and gma only replied "you'd shoot me!?". Trying to kick us out, with nowhere to go, because mom was too sick to prepare a meal for their very able-bodied selves. All the while, these people play the victim. They're just suffering because of everyone else. My dad is a martyr, a God-fearing man who goes to church every week and beyond. He's a father figure to some people. An upstanding deacon. Any grievances that could be expressed could only be done so by a member of the church, as opposed to an outsider who KNOWS him. And he has sooo many illnesses, needs so many surgeries, and so on. Gparents are even worse for the latter. Trying to call social services because we weren't being proper caretakers, when they were more than able-bodied and we never agreed. Gma has been faking a cough almost my entire life, as she's admitted. Uses any appointment as a guilt to get people to spend money on her. And so many more fake things, always something to guilt someone into spending money and rendering service, all while playing up how cruel everyone is to them... when they both left their own parents to rot as they got into old age. Even before then. But they're owed it, because they were 'good' parents. Kids are for taking care of them, after all! --- ... and that's just people I, unfortunately, share blood with. But why do I bring up all this anecdotal evidence, when I'm doing what is normally philosophical or purely stream of consciousness? Well... that's because of the relationship that abusers tend to have to abuse's after effects, as I see it. As I experience it. I am so, so scared of calling myself an abuse victim. I never thought of myself as one for most of my life, just assuming that... everyone went through those things. And, even after that, I still just assumed I had to push on. It was just a hurdle. Just a scar that would one day shine. I wasn't a victim. Victims were people that the world hated, shunned, ignored. People that used it as a crutch. Sure, there were exceptions that I had met, but... by and large, people like my abusers portrayed themselves entirely as victims, never taking any accountability for their actions. Turning around anything they did to me back on to me as a source. Yet here I am. The moment I hear hushed voices, I go still and try to hear if they're going to be about me, if I fucked up, if they hate me. Loud noises cause me to shut down. I am oftentimes scared to even leave my room, to the point that I earned the nickname "Bernie-Bear" from Mel's friends for just how shy and bad I was with people. Which, coincidentally... was the moment that me being a victim of abuse began to set in. And I tried so hard to look away from it! I was strong! I had to be strong! I just had some hang ups, that's all! There was no way I was a victim! It is so, so, so hard to call myself a victim. I think it is for most people, really. I don't want to be like those in my life who I was abused by. I don't want to be perceived like them. I don't want to be pitied or looked at like I'm weak. If I'm weak, then I've failed. I'm letting them control me. I'm letting my abusers control my present, as they did my past. That's letting them win... BUT THAT'S WRONG! That isn't true at all! It is not wrong to hurt! It is not wrong to have been hurt by people who DON'T have power over you, much less those that do! You are not weak for being abused! You do NOT deserve that abuse! And those people that fake? Those people that use it to chase clout? Fuck them! They're more likely than not abusers themselves, and you shouldn't worry about them! You shouldn't have to be inhibited about your pain, you shouldn't have to shove it down so that you don't "let them win"! Shoving it down IS how they win, because you leave the trauma inside to fester and bubble, allowing it to consume you whole! You have a right to be angry! You have a right to be sad! You have a right to FEEL! ... It's okay to be a victim. You didn't make the choice to be one. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging what happened to you, be it sexual, physical, emotional, or any combination thereof. People can be monstrous. I do struggle with admitting to myself that I'm an abuse victim. I almost cried talking to my mother tonight, because we both are so close to being able to say and accept how we've been abused, but the people we know are so fake and wicked that we fear association with their behaviors. It's admitting that you aren't fully in control to admit to being abused, and it takes a LOT of courage to do so. So, to abuse victims... You are stronger than you think. That abuse isn't who you are. You did not deserve it. Cruel people inflicted it on you for a multitude of reasons, but none of them were your fault. It was not a result of your choices, but the result of others taking your choice away from you. This world has so much potential for love. So many people truly wishing to help heal a broken heart, soul, spirit. Sure, there are more abusers out there... But I sincerely hope that anyone this applies to finds someone they can truly depend on. Someone who will not treat them as you may have become accustomed to being treated. I see you. I hurt for you. I'm here for you. And, if given the chance, I will open my heart and love you. Stay determined, everyone.

♪ What is the number one reason for a day off work in Australia? ♪ DEPRESSION ATTACK DEPRESSION ATTACK (have some actual music) I mean, ignore that I'm not Australian, but... yeah? Episodes can come on so strong out of nowhere, and you're just stuck in a deep, dark pit, desperately trying to find a way to cheer up, claw your way out, anything. But you just... can't. The recipe needed for freedom from that soul-crushing state of being changes each time. Sometimes distractions can help, other times they make it worse. Your loved ones can be the key, but they might also be the source. And in that case, it's even worse because you may want to say some things, but... you worry no matter what you say, it might come out wrong. Depression makes it hard to function in general, especially beyond what is "required", like school or jobs. Your usual joys and interests can feel grey and dull. Any things you need can feel like a burden. And, well... I guess I'm veering away from just depression into intrusive thoughts. Thoughts of being a failure. Thoughts that my efforts will never be enough. That I'm just a waste of space, time, money. Thoughts that I'm arrogant for so much as having hopes. Thoughts that no one really respects or cares about me. That I'm a third wheel. That I'm a freak. That people won't ever understand me, because I've taken steps on a path people consider strange. That I don't have enough time. And it goes on and on. So many dark, dark thoughts that haunt me and prod me, either at random or constantly. I've been depressed for... pretty much the past two whole days. Stuff coming up this week, lots of stuff going wrong Monday, and letting my insecurities get the best out of me and drag me down to the depths. And it's so hard to push forward or be happy. Even being with the girls, I just... feel guilty for being a wet blanket and just sitting here tonight. I know I need to climb out. That I need to overcome this. That I should trust the voices in my head being lies. That the kind words people give me are truly kind, not just an attempt to ease their conscience over someone as worthless as me, but... It's hard, y'know? It's really, really hard to believe the things people say to me. About me. Except the negative things. Hopefully this passes soon...

"Well, if you don't want to come towards them, then I guess I should come towards you!" "That's more like it!" As Tsubasa made her move, a toothy grin spread across the panda's face. Rather than taking the hit head on, she moved slightly, her stance changing enough for her to pull a leg back... And kick Tsubasa with enough force to send her flying into Sun, if he wasn't prepared for it. She quickly returned to her previous stance, cracking her neck and laughing. "Nah, this is a fight between a 'villain' and some 'heroes', words are useless!" ----- "a distraction like that doesn't mean much if the follow up simply isn't there, Kemuri. As for you, Seigi, a flying attack when you have no means to maneuver or defend yourself is more dangerous to yourself then your opponent. Just think of what might have happened if I had a more lethal or forceful quirk." Diana's fist met the ground, but it didn't hurt too badly. She could take at least that much. But the failure on Natalia's end was bad. Sure, they had Yumi on backup, but as the teacher pointed out, stalling against her could only do so much. Picking herself up and regaining her bearings, Diana looked at the state of the other two that had joined the front lines with her, and realized something very, very important. Maybe, just maybe, she could be of help after all. "Even if you had a more lethal quirk... [It wouldn't change a thing]!" The student gripped the lance as tightly as she could in her left hand, pulled it back... And threw it with at the briefcase with all of her might. If her theory was right, then all she had to do was follow it up! Running after the weapon, Diana slid down, moving to sweep Hemlock's feet from under her. Either she could be their win condition... or it was hopeless anyway.

"Wait, I-" Before the shifter's protest could fully escape their lips, Melissa had already gone slack in their arms. With resignation, their body began to reform, creating a harness to hold the unconscious girl. The rest of their body followed suit, head turning about on their shoulders so that Melissa hugged their neck from behind, rather than from the front. They couldn't do much with her in this state, especially with that thing of hers out and about. Would moving too far away disable it or hurt her? After all, it was a fairly common idea that a soul and a body being too far apart was a bad idea. As the situation began to get to them, Fen's actions caught their notice. The sharks seemed to follow her motions... Maybe, just maybe, they could do the same? Flying down to the edge of the Ophan's area, Devin instinctively tightened Melissa's harness... Then began to fly quickly with a great flap. As they did, their hands began to shift, their fingers becoming like vines that reached to the ground, trailing across the sand. If the sharks could sense movement or vibration, then something like this was bound to grab their attention, right? With the occasional flick of their wrist to give the motion a more lifelike quality, Devin looked back up to the Ophan, giving it a nod. "I-I'm not sure if you can hear me, Melissa... but I'll lure them. I don't wanna risk hurting you or abandoning your... summon, so I trust you can take them out!"

That’s a matter of perspective. For many, it’s a game. For others, competitive writing. For me, it’s collaborative storytelling... where I see it from the eyes of the character I’m guiding. I wouldn’t even say so much “fun” as “enjoyable”. I don’t treat it like a game, but I do treat it as creating something new. Letting people see my “child” go through the journey I set them on. For me, it’s all about my creation’s story or supporting someone I care about. However, that’s my stance. I’m not the only person on earth, and my view on it doesn’t change yours. For me, it’s not really a thing to pass time as it is to create more and more, and I genuinely enjoy that process, most of the time. Everyone gets stressed or burnt out at times, though. It’s not always sunshine and rainbows, and other people can be frustrating... or their characters can be frustrating to deal with. But it’s all part of the experience.

I understand where you're coming from. I do. Most of my time spent creating has me seeing parts of myself in my characters, especially those used in RPs. But, that's just it. They're made with parts of me, not a mere reflection. And I greatly enjoy letting them become themselves. Sure, I supply the breath of life and the base for the clay, but as the table spins, I hold my hands only near it, as to keep the clay from falling apart... Yet able to find its own shape. I find great joy in my characters growing beyond my basic ideas or expectations for them. And I don't think there's anything wrong with infusing yourself into the character or making them less than perfect. You can ask just about anyone I've RPd with, most of my character suffer. A lot. I don't give them a perfectly happy setting from the getgo... But I plan to walk by their side so they can eventually get there. Orphans, victims, former murderers, identity and self-worth issues, trans, fear of failure, abusive homes... It isn't a crime for them to be weak... Only to abandon them to that weakness, to figure out their own way up. As I said with the clay, I continue watching it so that it doesn't fall apart, not so that I can shape its form. I trust my creations to find their way forward, to become who they're meant to be, with their creator at their backs, ready to catch them when they fall.