Applying to jobs as video game characters (taking suggestions)

[MetalSonic 86]

Hello everyone. Motivated by a Youtube video I saw of someone applying to jobs using Pokémon as job experience, I have decided to waste my time creating resumes and cover letters for various video game characters and applying to jobs at them to see how many interviews that they get, or at least any funny responses gotten. For my first run, I shall be applying to jobs as none other than the Demoman from Team Fortress 2. KABOOOOOOM!

 

We first need a resume for Demoman, or as his real name, Tavish D'Groot. Below is his resume.

Spoiler

Tavish D'Groot

Teufort, New Mexico

Demolition Expert adept at coordinating defenses and pushes to achieve exciting gameplay. Familiar with complete removal of irritating Engineer nests. Operated explosives while half blind and drunk. 

Skills: Situational Awareness, Demolition and Destruction, Team Player, Floor Cleaning, Polishing and Waxing, Supply Replenishment, Explosives

Work experience

Demolitions Expert | TF Industries | 10/2007 - current 

• Defended capture points by laying clever and optimal sticky bomb traps. 
• Demolished Engineer sentries in a matter of seconds. 
• Highest potential damage output in the game. 

Housekeeping | self-employed | 10/1972 - current 

• Self-employed side business 
• Provided cleaning services to the sorcerer Merasmus 
• Became an expert in demolitions after reading the Bombinomicom while cleaning the library. 

Something about this resume you'll notice missing is education. In the comics, Demoman never mentions attending any kind of school, and considering that his mother made him get a job at a young age, he most likely never even graduated from elementary school. As for the housekeeping part, it's mentioned in Demoman's profile on the Team Fortress website that Demoman owns a housekeeping business. I also have a google voice number set up and an email for Demoman.

Of course, no resume would be complete without a cover letter.

Spoiler

To whom it may concern,

I have been an expert in all things explosive since I was a child. While my collegues see me as a drunk scottish cyclops, I have built a reputation in all of the Badlands as the greatest demolitions expert of my time. 

The first time I gained interest in the world of explosives was when my father died and I had to get a job to support her as she was blind. I got a job as a housekeeper for a sorcerer named Merasmus, who lived in a mansion at the top of a hill. He instructed me to clean his library and stressed that I should not read a certain book called the Bombinomicon. Being a child, curiosity got the better of me and I read it. Upon doing so, I lost one of my eyes, but in exchange, I gained immediate expertise in all things that explode.

Ever since then, I have been with TF Industries as a Demoman. During my time here, I have been involved in countless projects, whether it would be preventing a cart from being pushed or capturing the intelligence. Using my trusty grenade and sticky bomb launchers, I have dominated hordes of foes and have provided area denial that most others could only dream of. In offensive scenarios, I these same tools have allowed me to completely demolish annoying sentry placements, which allowed my team to swiftly complete objectives.

Thank you for your consideration. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to reach out to me.

Sincerely,

Tavish D'Groot

I was going to run this through a Scottish translator, but figured that it wouldn't be legible if I did that.