Leaderboard

Carmen was still flailing around. She stammered a few times through a couple different beginnings of sentences before she finally managed, “B-b-but it’s still only ‘yet!’ Who knows what could happen? Maybe you stick a broken one on me and it catches fire or something!” Brian took another step forward. “Well, if it catches fire, there's a water cooler over there,” he said. “I’ll even say a prayer so it’s holy water or whatever. Put the seal on, Carmen.” Her eyes were still as big as dinner plates, but Carmen relented. “Well, okay…” she said. “But let me put one on myself. You’re looking sorta…” She seemed to realize she was about to say something impolite and wisely decided not to say anything. It was something Brian could ignore. He relaxed a bit -- though only a bit -- went back to the box of seals, lifted the whole thing up, and carried it back to Carmen. “Take your pick,” he said. Carmen hesitated again. She reached into the box, then took her hand back out as though she was somehow choosing for her life instead of picking one out of identical pieces of paper. She went back and forth a few times like this, eyes darting back and forth before she finally snatched up a seal and stuck it to her arm, bracing with her eyes closed like either she or the seal was going to explode. No explosions came. Not in the physical sense, anyway. But Brian had had enough of this. He grabbed a seal himself. “Grow up, Carmen,” he said. “God, you were fine handling these things yesterday. I even felt okay letting you take care of yourself for half the night. It’s the same fucking box. They didn’t suddenly become a different sort of magic bullshit.” But before Brian could slap the seal on Carmen’s forehead, her eyes snapped back open. “Ahh!” she screamed. “Assault! Assault!” She ran through one of the doors and came back in through the other one again, still running. Brian walked after her, but Carmen grabbed the garbage can and started throwing garbage at him. When she ran out of garbage, she threw the whole can at him too, though it was a weak throw that barely even reached him. “Hey, Carmen,” Brian said, “did you ever see the movie They Live? John Carpenter? Nineteen Eighty-Eight? It’s known for two things. Thing the first: the phrase ‘I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of bubble gum.’ Rowdy Roddy Piper came up with that line. Absolute legend. Thing the second: In the middle of the movie, Roddy and Keith David get into a ten-minute fight over whether or not Keith is going to put on some magic sunglasses. It’s stupid, both people know it’s stupid, but they fight on anyway. I’m going to stick this seal on your forehead, Carmen, and so help me Christ, I don’t think you're going to be able to stop me.” Carmen waffled, looking like she was going to say something, but Brian stayed firm, and when it looked like she realized that, her face went entirely expressionless, and she lunged at him. “Fucking knew it,” Brian said even though he didn’t. He dug in his heels, grabbed Carmen’s wrists, and pushed back.