JPAlpha
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Posts posted by JPAlpha
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This sounds intriguing. I'm in!
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In the room where a group of people were watching a duel through a screen in front of them, A girl named Bell seemed out of place. Her height and facial features indicated that she was much younger than everyone else. Her outfit, which consisted of a dark blue long-sleeved jacket, light blue culotte pants and the protective gear on each knee didn’t really add up to a full riding suit that some other people were wearing either. Still, like everyone else in that room, she was a rightful participant of this year’s Fortune Cup.
If anything, she was widely known as a pro duelist among Academia students and those who were young enough to join age-restricted tournaments. But to most people in this room, at least she would be no more than an amateur who just joined their first—
Bell responded to the repeated vibrations on her wrist by touching the smartwatch screen. After quickly scrolled through it and confirmed that there was nothing but pointless group messages from her friends at Academia, without a single one from her brother, she quietly let out a sigh.
Even if she already had sufficient information on both competitors, an opportunity to learn more about her potential opponent sounded a lot more appealing than top 10 places near Academia you would find good-looking men, or whatever her friends were talking about. The girl reached into her pocket for the blue phone and skillfully turned off notifications from that certain group before shifting her gaze back to a screen in front of the room.
Not so long after that, the last qualification match ended and all participants of the fortune cup were confirmed, or at least that’s what Bell was thinking—
“Thank you for your patience, competitors. As the qualifiers are already over, I would normally announce who of you ended up in which bracket, and close the qualifiers officially. But today there is a special announcement I must make. See, one of the competitors has retreated from the race, and their place has been reassigned. The lady who has just graced her with her presence is madame Lydia Maupin, representative of the dueling circuit of Paris. She had initially intended to be only an observer in our Cup, but she has graciously accepted to fill in for the disappeared ms. Kotodara. Normally, we wouldn’t accept such an arrangement, but madame Maupin has already proven her valor by holding onto the championship in the European circuit for various years in a row already, so we gladly accepted her presence among you. I hope there will be no problems here”.
Someone retreating... this late?
Bell wondered but still memorized the name and face of Lydia Maupin without delay. She had heard this name at least once, but now that she thought about it, her and her brother concluded that this woman was unlikely to join the Fortune Cup, and so they didn’t even bother to watch her past duels. The girl suddenly regretted her own decision, but there was nothing she could do now, except maybe...
Conversation was never her strong suit, so when other started to chat with the French duelist, Bell didn’t move an inch from her seat. Instead, she picked up her phone.
“Lydia Maupin. Replacing Kotodara.”
The message she typed was definitely short, but she knew that it was enough to get that man moving.
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Bell
Spoiler
Name: Arabella Valentia
Alias: Bell, Princess
Gender: Female
Age: 14
Physical description:
Spoiler
Height: 144 cm
Bell has warm grey eyes and a blonde hair identical to that of the legendary Duel King Jack Atlas. On a first glance, she has a rather slim and short figure even for girls her age. Although, a more-detailed look would reveal well-trained muscles in various areas. Due to her studying at early age, she is heavily nearsighted and couldn't see at all without her glasses. While she could use contact lenses in riding duel or other sports, she would rather avoid them at all costs. She has a large amount of outfits and fashion stuffs available thanks to her family's wealth, though her favorite ones tend to be minimal-styled. Her favorite color which presents in almost all of her attires is blue.
Alignment: While Bell herself has no opinions regarding political affairs, her father is a prominent Anthem supporter, so she automatically joins them.
Personality:
SpoilerDue to the inhuman way Bell was raised, she severely lacked self-confidence to the extent of not being able to communicate and express herself well unless she prepared a script in details and there were no unexpected situations. She was also obedient enough to follow any command or order regardless of how absurd they were. After meeting Sinclair, she began to think for herself and voice her desire and objection like a normal human, though she is still a shy and timid girl who won't openly talk to anyone but her brother. The thing that never change is how she believes that anything can be achieved with enough effort and will always give it her best shot.
To her classmate at Duel Academia, Bell was cold and reserved. Despite being the youngest member of the class and naturally became the center of attention, she rarely showed much emotion at all and talked only when it's really necessary. Coupled with how she hardly, if ever, lost to someone in a duel while always maintained great academic results, she quickly earned a title of Duel Princess and attracted even more attention. Eventually, she was forced to become more sociable, though it still limited to those few she trusted.
While most students and even medias acknowledged her as a cold and indifferent girl, a very few who managed to earn her trust her would know that Bell is actually sweet, kind and generous. If possible, she will always try to help others with their problems, even if it means making personal sacrifices.
In the past, dueling was just another thing she was forced to learn. However, it changed when her brother challenged her and almost let her win before claiming a close victory for himself. After a few days of consecutive losses, Bell became an extremely passionate duelist. It is only in the dueling where she can become talkative and express a shocking amount of emotion. She also greatly treasures bond between herself and cards, especially the one she received from her brother.
Biography:
SpoilerBell was the sole daughter of a talented man who turned from a pro-duelist into one of the city's top brass following the Z-ONE incident. While he initially had good nature and intentions, politics gradually and intensely corrupted him. By the day he had seen his daughter as the cost of another life, the girl who stole his dear wife from his was no longer his beloved family, but simply another tool to promote his name and status.
Ever since she could remember, Bell had been living in the Tops residential area. She had never seen her father in person and would only see his face through a screen not more than once a year. Instead, what she had seen everyday were unending goals and objectives set by that person. After years of intense private tutoring by her father's subordinate who shared her living place, Bell was well-versed in many things ranged from academic subjects to music, sport as well as dueling. Also, she could attend any social parties in place of her father while getting all his works done without any slightest lack in etiquette, even though her personality was far from fitting to do the job.
However, while those people might be great tutors, they simply followed their boss's order to raise his kid, and being kind and sympathy was totally not a part of said order. Combined with her father's extremely harsh treatment, Bell eventually attempted a suicide. It was barely stopped by force and the girl was unofficially diagnosed with major depressive disorder at the age of 10. After that incident, her father sent in a new man who was allowed to do anything he want with Bell. After dismissing all unnecessary men and claimed the big penthouse for the two of them alone, the young man called Sinclair gave Bell something she never received; a familial bond.
As per Sinclair, now her big brother's arrangement, Bell had enrolled in Duel Academia at the level equivalent to high school and underwent the exact same lessons as her older classmates. While not being good at social skill and not making any close friends, the young girl displayed dueling and academic skills exceeding those of her colleagues and quickly made it to the top position. She eventually graduated at the age of 13, the youngest one in the history.
What she had been hiding from others, or rather, what others could never know about her, was the fact that she achieved all her feats not by talent, but with excessive effort to the point where most ordinary people would rather just die than try as hard as she did. For example, when her classmates were enjoying their graduation week taking photos or going to karaoke for one last time, she did nothing but reviewing graduation tournament matchups and repeatedly studying about her potential opponents. As a result, she came out as a top-ranked of her year and her informal title of Duel Princess became known to public. After that, she would often be compared to more skilled and older duelists like the current Duel Queen Vivian Craft or even the past Duel King Jack Atlas.
This year's Fortune Cup will be the first tournament where Bell will participate as a full-fleshed competitor and not with handicaps like Youth-level. In addition, Bell received a large number of doubt the day she announced to join Anthem following her father's request. In order to prove herself, Bell entered the Fortune Cup while aiming at nothing but a champion position. She even enjoys the thought of facing Vivian Craft and giving her all to beat the Duel Queen...
Deck: Aquatic Bond
Bell was known as a skilled duelist who had little to no problem switching decks as seen when she won a Duel Academia Graduation Tournament using 3 different archetypes. (Ice Barrier, Graydle and Crystrons.) Though all of them share a characteristic of being WATER-themed Synchro decks. She was also seen using water-related generic Spell/Traps such as Torrential Tribute and Drowning Mirror Force on various occasions.
In an official tournament like Fortune Cup where, according to her brother, she should make her name with a single deck that would represent herself from now on, Bell came up with a non-archetypal WATER-themed Synchro deck consists of good generic WATER monsters that resolves around swarming the field in order to quickly bring out powerful Synchro monsters, including her ace monster, Iceblue Magician, which she always slotted in ED regardless of the deck she was playing.
Custom Cards: (10 cards so far. More cards could be added as the RP progress, though I'll try to not doing that too often.)
SpoilerThe following are cards she received as a yearly birthday present (10-14) from her older brother. There's only 1 copy of them each and she treasured them much more than any of her expensive or rare cards and would try to use them in as many deck as she could.
(In order from first to last year)Iceblue Magician
Spoiler
1 Tuner + 1+ non-Tuner WATER monsters
While you control this Synchro Summoned card, reduce any damage you would take by 500. Once per turn (Quick Effect): You can target 1 Attack Position monster on the field; change it to Defense Position. If this card is destroyed and sent to the GY: You can target 1 Level 3 or lower monster in your GY; Special Summon it. Then, you can increase its Level by 1.Azure Assassin
Spoiler
Cannot be targeted by your opponent's card effects. Once, while this card is face-up on the field, if you control a Level 4 or higher WATER monster (Quick Effect): You can target 1 card on the field; destroy it. If this card attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing battle damage. If this card inflicts battle damage to your opponent: Send 1 random card from their hand to the GY, and if you do, WATER monsters you control gain 400 ATK.
Aqua Magician
Spoiler
If you control a WATER monster(s): You can Special Summon this card from your hand. You cannot Special Summon monsters from your hand or GY for the rest of this turn. If a face-up WATER monster you control is targeted for an attack or by your opponent's card effect: You can Special Summon this card from your GY, and if you do, that card/effect/attack now targets this card. If Summoned this way, banish this card when it leaves the field.
Deep Sea Sword - Azurine
Spoiler
1 Tuner + 1+ non-Tuner WATER monsters
Once per turn (Quick Effect): You can equip this card to a WATER monster you control. The equipped monster gains 1200 ATK, also if it would be destroyed, destroy this card instead. You can send 1 WATER monster from your hand or field to the GY; Special Summon this card from your GY. You can only use this effect of "Deep Sea Sword - Azurine" once per turn.Azure Blademaster
Spoiler
1 Tuner + 1+ non-Tuner WATER monsters
Cannot be targeted or destroyed by your opponent's card effects. Once per turn, when a card effect is activated in the hand or GY: You can negate the activation, and if you do, banish it. If this card attacks, it is unaffected by other card effects until the end of the Damage Step. If this card is destroyed by battle: You can send the opponent's battling monster to the GY.The following are also cards that she received from her brother, although they are more than one copies and are not received on special occasions like birthday. Even so, she treasures them as much as the above cards.
Aquatic Calling
Spoiler
Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower WATER monster from your hand or Deck. While that monster is face-up on the field, its effects are negated, also you cannot Special Summon monsters, except WATER monsters. If you control no cards and this card is in your GY: You can target 1 WATER monster in your GY; banish this card from your GY, and if you do, add that target to your hand. You can only use 1 "Aquatic Calling" effect per turn, and only once that turn.
Azurite Spirit
Spoiler
Cannot be Special Summoned. Once per turn: You can Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower WATER monster from your hand. A WATER monster that was Normal Summoned by Tributing this card, or Summoned from the Extra Deck using this card as Material gains 400 ATK, also it gains this effect.
● Once while face-up on the field, if this card would be destroyed, it loses 400 ATK instead.Deepsea Memories
Spoiler
Target 1 Level 4 or lower WATER monster in your GY; Special Summon it. If this card is in the GY because it was sent there from the field: You can banish this card from your GY; Special Summon 1 WATER monster from your GY. It is banished during the end of this turn. You cannot Special Summon monsters during the turn you activate this effect, except WATER monsters. After you use any of this card's effects, you cannot Special Summon monsters from your GY for the rest of that turn.
Aqueous Wisdom
Spoiler
Target 1 WATER monster you control; equip this card to it. It gains 300 ATK, also your opponent cannot target it for attacks, but it does not prevent your opponent from attacking you directly. You can only use each of the following effects of "Aqueous Wisdom" once per turn. If this card is sent from the field to the GY: You can add 1 WATER monster from your Deck to your hand. If you control a WATER monster (Quick Effect): You can banish this card from your GY; this turn, all monsters on the field lose 1500 ATK.
Iceblue Sorcery
Spoiler
Target 1 Defense Position monster on the field; destroy it. Then, if you control a WATER monster, inflict 1000 damage to your opponent. Also, if you control a Spellcaster Synchro Monster, draw 1 card. You can only activate 1 "Iceblue Sorcery" per turn. You must control an "Iceblue Magician" to apply the following effects. During your turn, you can also banish this card from your GY to activate it. Monsters destroyed by this card are banished instead of being sent to the GY.
D-Wheel: Sonic Wave, a modified D-Board with a blue color texture resembling a raging ocean.
D-Board is a special skateboard specially designed so that children can riding duel. Generally, it has less speed and output than an actual D-wheel. However, Sonic Wave belongs to the latest model, or rather an experimental prototype not yet available to public and it was only because of her father that Bell got her hand on it. This D-Board can achieve a maximum speed even beyond that of a typical D-Wheel, though a great deal of balance and skilled control is required from its user to achieve said feat. Bell had intensely trained with it in the past few months and she can now riding duel against D-Wheel without much speed disadvantage, but she can only use its maximum speed only for a brief moment.
Duel Disk: A standard Duel Disk with an azure-colored body and arctic-colored gems. It is modified by Sinclair to fit her smaller arms and to be fully compatible with both her D-Board and standard D-Wheel.
Misc. information:
- Theme Song, Past Theme, Duel Theme
- Bell's penthouse is not the same one as the 5D's twin's, however it was built on an even higher building built after the 5D's event. And as of now, it is not even the highest building in Tops area.
Sinclair
Spoiler
Name: Sinclair
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Physical description:
Spoiler
Height: 186 cm
Sinclair has a dark purple hair and bright red eyes that somehow resemble blood. His skin is white, almost to the point of being pale, in contrary to his attire which is always the same black coat, pants and gloves. (He claimed to have multiple of the exact same outfits and that he changed them everyday, until Bell managed to pinpoint the same small tear on his red necktie, forcing him to change his claim to once every other day...) To a stranger, he naturally looks friendly and appealing, but it turns out to be a trained skill and he can do it as easy as being scary and intimidating.
Ability: Psychic Duelist
Alignment: As Bell's older brother, personal caretaker and private tutor, he is technically a member of Anthem faction, but that's not all.
SpoilerNeo-Illiaster
An organization founded by a certain surviving Illiaster member. While his fellow survivors all retired and went on with their lives, this man didn’t want the name Illiaster to disappear and used all his power and wealth to preserve it in the form of new organization. Although, they were left with much less power and influence. Right now, they have no connection to people of the star or any time traveler and were nothing more than a group of politicians and scientists. Sinclair was forced into becoming a member of this group due to his survival from one of their experiments. He then successfully endured the hardship and greatly developed his skill, enough to overthrow the organization’s European branch to avenge his family. After that, he cut ties with the main group and went into hiding. Currently, he is among their priority wanted list, but Neo Domino is no longer the place where someone who bears a name of Illiaster can enter or do what they want freely. In addition, Sinclair detests anyone having a connection to Illiaster, new and old, and will automatically view them as enemy despite his rational nature.
Personality: (I highly recommend you to read Bio first)
SpoilerWhen in public, Sinclair often speaks in a calm, friendly manner and appears very respectful and compliant to Bell and others. He always wears an amicable smile that automatically give off a vibe of a kind, sweet and gentle person. However, it is simply the tip of the iceberg.
After having avenged his family, Sinclair lost his only life goal and became an empty soul filled with nothing but immense self-loathing for unable to protect those he loved. Even though he started traveling around the world, the man had already given up and made no effort to find new purpose or happiness in life. He lived like that for a full 2 years before getting a chance to meet Bell. At first his job was simply to deal with the girl's psychological conditions through his special ability, but the girl somehow changed him and he is now Bell's personal butler.
Being trained at suppressing emotions and fabricating expressions since childhood, Sinclair is smart, calculating, rational and manipulative. He always think before he act, even in the dire situation. In fact, he always make decisions efficiently and never let emotions affect any choices he makes, perhaps with Bell being the sole exception. He shares one thing in common with the girl; an extremely strong resolve and determination. Once both of them set a goal, they'd stop at nothing to attain it. This is especially true for Sinclair who is capable of acting with a complete lack of morality and concern for others.
While being lack of empathy toward all other individuals, he really cares for Bell's well being and occasionally shows irrational and emotional tendencies when it has something to do with her. The other exception is dueling or fighting in general, where his lingering sadistic and sinister nature can be shown if he doesn't control himself well enough.
Biography:
SpoilerLong ago, there was no Sinclair. Living a happy life with a warm family and a lovely younger sister was an ordinary boy with a bland name not worth remembering. Looking back, that boy was truly weak and incompetent, unable to protect even things he valued the most. To Sinclair, such worthless boy had long died, ever since that day...
A group of 4 hooded men visiting a distant rural village in a certain European country had introduced themselves as— 4 names not worth remembering, leaders of the European branch of Neo-Illiaster. At that time the boy didn't understand about what they talked with the village chief, but in the end they were allowed to stay overnight. At this point, his memory was vague enough to not be trusted, but the next thing he knew was that his village and everyone was gone. He still didn't know how a 8-years old boy like himself survived whatever experiment those men conducted, but it seemed to be enough reason for those men to capture him back alive.
After that, it had been hell. If the girl who would later become his younger sister and employer could know what he had experienced, she won't be able to call her own life miserable ever again.
Years passed, the boy was intensely and intensively trained and twisted. He changed from a mundane countryside boy into a full-fleshed member of Neo-Illiaster, a highly capable one to boot. As he finished his first task without any supervisor at the age of 12, the name Sinclair was given to him. It was a Scottish name that was supposed to mean "bright" or "clear" but still starting with a "sin". Shortly after that, he also learned about his ability as a psychic duelist, an ability rarely manifested nowadays. Needless to say, his training got a lot harder and more tiring as soon as those around him learned about it.
Around 7 years ago, Sinclair had developed skills in every aspect to the point where he wasn't inferior to the 4 Leaders of EU branch in any shape of form. It was this time that he finally revealed his lifelong grudge hidden under extremely strong determination and tenacity. That day, the members of Neo-Illiaster in the South America main branch suddenly lost contact with the EU branch and almost 3 dozens of its members. No one knew what happened to them, but the unchanged fact was that everything related to Illiaster in Europe had been wiped out in a single night. A few days after that, Sinclair contacted them and claimed responsibility, but by this time the man himself was nowhere to be found.
Following the EU branch's downfall, Sinclair had traveled around the world using a seemingly endless supply of money formerly belong to the Illiaster. His fun suddenly ended when he was contacted by a middle-aged man who introduced himself as Oscar Valentia, an influential politician of a city in a far east called Neo Domino. Somehow, that man had all information on his identity, his action against Neo-Illiaster and even his locations during these 2 years, which he was certain he switched place regularly so that it should be impossible to trace. In order to prevent all these information reaching Illiaster, Sinclair had no choice but to listen to Oscar's little request, which was—
Deck: Corrupted Honor
Other than his Corrupted archetype, Sinclair’s deck consists of various Fiend and Warrior monsters, including Normal Monsters like Dark Blade or Archfiend Soldier, or higher level ones without SS method like Kuraz the Light Monarch or Invader of Darkness. While his deck seems to has a lot of weak cards that isn't practically useful, he runs a lot of high-quality generic Spells/Traps, and even those from other archetype that go along well with his gameplan.
As for his playstyle, Sinclair is rather flexible and doesn't have any fixed combos or strategies. Although, by opening with a weak first turn like a Normal Monster, he lures his opponent into underestimating him and lowering their guard, and he always loves it when he makes an explosive comeback the following turn.
In addition, he holds some cards that certainly won't be used in his deck, but will have high impact when being used by for his psychic ability. Notable ones include Hinotama, Flashbang and Iron Cage.
Custom Cards:
SpoilerEdited Corrupted cards (Xyz changed into Synchro/Fusion)
Corrupted Chastity - Luxuria
Spoiler
1 Tuner + 1+ Fiend non-Tuner monsters
Once per turn, during the Battle Phase (Quick Effect): You can target 1 card on the field; destroy it, and if you do, inflict 600 damage to your opponent. If this card is attacked, or a card effect that targets this card is activated: You can have this card gains 600 ATK and loses 600 DEF, and if you do, negate that attack or effect.Corrupted Temperance - Gula
Spoiler
2 Fiend monsters.
This Fusion Summoned card cannot be destroyed by battle. Each time your opponent Summons a monster(s) or activates a card effect while this card is in Attack Position, inflict 300 damage to your opponent and gain 300 LP. If this card is in Defense Position, "Corrupted" monsters you control cannot be targeted or destroyed by your opponent's card effects.Nightmare series, a Dark Blader support
Nightmare Caller
Spoiler
When this card is Normal Summoned: You can target 1 Level 4 DARK Normal Monster in your GY; Special Summon it. You can banish this card and 1 Normal Monster from your GY; Fusion Summon 1 DARK monster from your Extra Deck using only the banished monsters as Material. You can only use 1 "Nightmare Caller" effect per turn, and only once that turn.
Dark Blade the Nightmare Knight
Spoiler
"Dark Blade" + 1 DARK monster
If this card is Fusion Summoned: You can target 1 monster your opponent control; equip it to this card. This card gains 200 ATK for each card equipped to it. Once per turn (Quick Effect): You can send 1 card equipped to this card to the GY, then target other 1 face-up monster on the field; until the end of this turn, its ATK become 0, also its effects are negated.Fiendish series, a generic Fiend support
Fiendish Librarian
Spoiler
When this card is Normal Summoned or flipped face-up: You can add 1 "Fiendish" card from your Deck or GY to your hand, except "Fiendish Librarian". During the End Phase: You can banish this card from your GY, then target 1 Fiend monster that was sent to your GY during this turn; add it to your hand. You can only use this effect of "Fiedish Librarian" once per turn.
Fiendish Sword
Spoiler
When this card is activated: Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower Fiend monster from your hand or GY, then equip this card to it. The equipped monster gains 400 ATK. Also if it was Special Summoned from the GY, it cannot attack, its efffects are negated and it is destroyed if this card leaves the field. If this card is sent from the field to the GY: Inflict 400 damage to your opponent. You can target 1 DARK monster you control that was Special Summoned from the Extra Deck; equip this card from your GY to it. You can only use each effect of "Fiendish Sword" once per turn.
Fiendish Purge
Spoiler
During the End Phase, if you Summoned a Fiend monster during this turn; activate 1 of the following effects.
● Destroy all Spells/Traps on the field.
● Destroy all monsters on the field. If 2 or more Fiend monsters were destroyed this way: Inflict damage to your opponent equal to the number of Fiend monsters destroyed x 400, also you take no battle damage until the end of the next turn.D-Wheel: -
While Sinclair doesn't have a personal D-Wheel, he once rent a standard D-Wheel from the nearby shop and displayed a refined skill in riding duel. At that time, he managed to beat Bell who had trained with her D-Board for months both in term of dueling and racing.
Duel Disk: A standard Duel Disk without any color customization as its owner doesn't seem to care much. However, it is personally modified to be compatible with any possible model of D-Wheel, even though the man doesn't have one.
Misc. information:
- Sinclair is a born Psychic Duelist who possesses an ability to manifest real objects and impacts based on cards. He has a perfect control over this ability thanks to his hellish training during childhood.
- I don't want him to be selected as a Signer. His past is involved with Illiaster, and I don't think I want them, new or old group, to take care of a potential signer like they did in his backstory.
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@Darj And the fix is done! Thanks again for your detailed feedback.
- Changed Mara, Tchort, and Superbia's wording as you suggested
- First I changed the only card you gave a clear criticize, Rite of Condemnation. Out of 4-5 times I used it in my fic, that 2nd effect was used only once and more like something I added in last second, so I actually enjoy revamping it into an entirely different effect that still fits the card's name and aesthetic.
- Regarding Invidia I made her current effects with modern Link Spam in mind, though now that I looked at it again said combo shouldn't be completely locked down by just a single card, so I made a change to her negation. Now it has a soft OPT and no longer BoM the opponent's monster, and to not make it underwhelming I changed the discard cost to something more beneficial.
- Gula also underwent a huge revamp. This version poses more threat to your opponent while giving them more chance to interact and combo better with the new Superbia.
- And by the new Superbia, a small change was made so that instead of not allowing an attack at all, it let the opponent attack your monsters for no battle damage. While also serve as a taunt to Superbia like the old version, it allow your opponent to remove Superbia's protection easier.
-
7 hours ago, Darj said:Mara:
A problem with the text. First effect states it won't apply when Summoned by its own effect, but the way you wrote the self-summoning effect, it works as more of a summoning condition or inherent Summon (e.g. Cyber Dragon) instead of a proper effect. In other words it's not Summoning itself by an effect. Thus, it will be unaffected by the restriction on the first effect. That's easy to fix, though, you just have to re-write it as an actual effect. I suggest:
If you control a DARK "Corrupted" monster: You can send 1 card from your hand to the GY, and if you do, Special Summon this card from your hand or GY, and if you do that, this card becomes DARK Fiend while face-up on the field.
Although now I have a question: is it intended to be able to discard itself to Summon itself? If not, then you have to add other conditions like "send 1 other card from your hand to the GY".
Other than that, card looks solid to me.
Tchort:
Similar to Mara, it has a problem with the text. The 2nd effect says it won't activate if the card is sent to the GY by its own effect, but the way you wrote the 1st effect, sending itself from hand to GY is a cost instead of an effect, and thus bypasses the restriction of the 2nd effect anyway. Likewise, this is easy to fix, just re-write it so the discard becomes part of the effect:
During your Main Phase: You can send this card from your hand to the GY, and if you do, add 1 "Condemnation" Spell/Trap from your Deck or GY to your hand.
That aside, looks fine to me.
Both Mara and Tchort provide searching and summoning power, but I don't see them breaking anything yet. I do find odd that Mara and Tchort have a different naming pattern that the rest of the archetype monsters, but that's not an issue, more of an aesthetic mismatch.
Acedia:
Dunno why, but I like this one. It can burn, provide a quick effect boost akin to Honest, Kalut, etc. and provides defense to the archetype, all in one. Normally I would think it does too much, but in this case I find it fine and I do like how the first 2 effects sinergize with the protection by assisting with getting itself in the GY. Plus the stat boost works on any Fiend so it has splashabiity potential, and I find amusing when cards have splashable traits.
Avaritia:
Solid support. The field effect is on the slow side but the self-protection effect should be effective at keeping it on board and reducing battle damage, or at least soak non-destructive removal the opponent spends on it. Or you can always mill it and SS it for quick fodder for a Summon akin to Trick Clown, Wulf, Felis, etc. I would have expected a card like this to have 2100 DEF or so, but then maybe that's a bit too much considering its self-Summon effect.
Ira:
A damage dealer. Armades and piecing effect in one in a 2800-ATK body with a burning effect, and the float is a nice insurance effect. Not much to say, I see players going for this when aiming for game but otherwise other options with removal and/or negation effects should have priority. Doesn't help that there are other generic and semi-generic options in the Synchro 8 pool that ought to be more appealing, unless you are locked into SSing Corrupted monsters only. It's rare to see a poli-Attribute archetype give to their WATER the beater role though, but that's not a bad thing xD
Invidia:
Now this has disruption written all over it. This one is IMO too scary though, and arguably OPed: not only it can disrupt both Spell/Traps and monsters, also it lacks "Once per turn" clauses on the monster stun effect so as long as you have cards to discard, your opponent won't be able to activate the effects of any monsters on the its field AND it will have its monsters Set so not even a chance for Synchro, Xyz or Link summoning. It would be more bearable and even acceptable if both effects had a "hard OPT" clause.
Gula:
Doesn't look so good, It's too passive, and seems it's intended to discourage the opponent from attacking, but it won't disrupt them in any way so they can still go for their combos and set-up a way to remove it before even entering the BP. I guess you can go for this in a pinch late-game, when you are low in LP and both players are low in resources, but even then, you would be just stalling and crossing fingers your opponent doesn't have anything to remove while you invest 2 monsters on this.
Luxuria:
An option to remove monsters by effect. Ought to be useful for breaking boards even if nowadays relying on the BP is on the slow or impractical side. The formats are rather fast and most of the removal is done in the MPs, except for an sporadic Mirror Force variant tech. And of course Evenly Matched but that is on its own level of removal power. Still, removal in BPs is still good to pick on the opponent. And to be fair, it does have protection from targeting and attacks so it makes it more likely to survive some BPs.
Superbia:
Normally, Fusion monsters don't have wording like "...including a..." in their list of materials, and so far that's only seen in Link monsters. AFAIK this would be more appropriate for a Fusion:
1 "Corrupted" monsters + 1 non-Level 4 "Corrupted" monster
Fix aside, damn this card has so many things: board clearing, 3000-ATK beater, built-in effect protection albeit conditional, and protection from attacks for fellow Corrupted monsters. It's such a role compression that it almost looks unfair. It's held back by being a Fusion, which means it needs a Fusioning card or effect to be Summoned. But if they have an archetype Fusion Spell, then it may be a bit too much.
Grimoire:
And here is the Fusion Spell. Which also doubles as an archetype Foolish Burial. I like this type of design, personally: if you can't or do not want to fuse, the card remains live with the milling effect. And these Corrupted do benefit from being milled so it's a win. The burn effect is icing of cake and rather unneeded, but I don't see any issues with it having it.
Rite:
Not a fan of this one. It's just an archetype Monster Reborn x2. It's IMO both bland and cheap. At least spice it up and not make it have basically the same effect twice. Think of Trickstar Reincarnation, for example.
Impulse:
Looks fine. Reminds me of Icarus Attack, Offerings of Snake Deity, Fish Depth Charge and other chainable Traps that are a 2-for-2 trade, expect that instead of destroying 2 cards or netting a card draw, this gives an archetype mill, which still translates into advantage depending on what you mill. I like the alternate option of an ATK boost to save a key monster on board.
Overall these look solid. The maindeck monsters provide enough swarming power IMO and some come with effects that generate card advantage and thus resources to work with. Invidia and Lxuria provide good board control, and the former is among the best cards I have seen to open with. And Superbia... well, it's practically the win condition. IMO the weakest one is Gula, and to a lesser extent Ira because its only job is beating and finishing games, but coincidentally these 2 are the only ED monsters with floating effects so... that kind of compensates their weaker nature I guess? IDK. Grimoire is really good as an archetype Foolish Burial with the option of dropping Superbia if it's safe and you have the requirements, while Impulse provides further disruption to combine with Invidia and Luxuria, and being searchable a big plus, as demonstrated by Salamangreat Rage and Infernity Break. Rite is also good but, again, rather boring.Thanks for this well written review! Since I’m at my hometown today and there’re so many things to do I’ll probably edit or revamp some cards based on your feedback tonight.
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If you don't mind someone who was never a part of this very RP before, then I'd love to join this!
A quick question regarding Kādoken. By martial art, do you mean it can be used together with a regular duel (like Yuya's opponent in early Arc-V who used martial art in conjunction with dueling) or is it an entirely separated competition/sport/game?
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Greetings. Today I decided to show you one of the archetypes used by a character in my YGO fanfic! I originally created this archetype around early Pendulum era, and just tuned them a bit to make them look more modern. Here we go!
Main Deck (4/4)
Spoiler
If this card is Normal or Special Summoned, except by its own effect: You can add 1 Fiend "Corrupted" monster from your Deck or GY to your hand. If you control a DARK "Corrupted" monster: You can send 1 card from your hand to the GY, and if you do, Special Summon this card from your hand or GY. It becomes DARK Fiend while face-up on the field. You can only Special Summon "Mara the Corrupted Prayer(s)" once per turn.
During your Main Phase: You can send this card from your hand to the GY, and if you do, add 1 "Condemnation" Spell/Trap from your Deck or GY to your hand. If this card is sent to the GY, except by its own effect: You can Special Summon it, but you cannot Special Summon monsters for the rest of this turn, except "Corrupted" monsters. You can only use each effect of "Tchort the Corrupted Wish" once per turn.
If this card is Summoned: Destroy it, and if you do, inflict 600 damage to your opponent. (Quick Effect): You can send this card from your hand to the GY, then target 1 Fiend monster you control; it gains 1000 ATK/DEF until the end of this turn. If a "Corrupted" monster you control would be destroyed by battle or card effect, you can banish this card from your GY instead. You can only Special Summon "Corrupted Diligence - Acedia(s)" once per turn.
Lore
A monster based on Sloth. She is so lazy she would die if you send her to do the job.
If this face-down monster is targeted for an attack or by a card effect: You can switch it to face-up Defense Position, and if you do, it cannot be destroyed by battle or card effects during this turn. During your Standby Phase: You can draw 1 card. If this card is sent to the GY by a card effect: You can Special Summon this card in face-up or face-down Defense Position. You can only use each effect of "Corrupted Charity - Avaritia" once per turn.
Lore
An embodiment of Greed.
Literally greedy advantages everywhere.Extra Deck (5/5)
Spoiler
1 Tuner + 1+ non-Tuner Fiend monsters
If this card attacks, your opponent cannot activate cards or effects until the end of the Damage Step, also if it attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict piercing battle damage. Once per turn, when a card(s) is destroyed: Inflict 600 damage to your opponent. If this card leaves the field: You can Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower "Corrupted" monster from your GY.Lore
Delivering her Wrath to the opponent!
1 Tuner + 1+ non-Tuner Fiend monsters
Once per turn (Quick Effect): You can target 1 Spell/Trap on the field; change this card from Attack Position to Defense Position, and if you do, destroy that target. Once per turn, if your opponent activates a monster effect on the field: You can send the top card of your Deck to the GY; negate the activation, also change that monster to Defense Position.Lore
You better pray she doesn't Envy you, or you won't be able to play anything good!
2 Level 4 Fiend monsters
Cannot be destroyed by battle or card effects while it has a material. Each time your opponent Summons a monster(s) or activates a card effect while this card is in Attack Position, inflict 300 damage to your opponent and gain 300 LP. If you would take damage: You can detach 1 material from this card; gain LP by that amount instead, then this card gains 300 ATK and DEF.Lore
An embodiment of Gluttony who loves to eat tasty LP!
2 Level 4 Fiend monsters
Once per turn, during the Battle Phase, while this card has a material (Quick Effect): You can target 1 monster on the field; destroy it. If this card is attacked, or a card effect that targets this card is activated: You can detach 1 material from this card; negate that attack or effect, and if you do, this card gains 600 ATK.Lore
They say every rose has its thorns, but this rose of Lust has more than that!
1 non-Level 4 "Corrupted" monster + 1 "Corrupted" monster
While face-up on the field, this card is also DARK-Attribute. If this card is Fusion Summoned: Send all other cards on the field to the GY. While you control a "Corrupted" monster other than "Corrupted Humility - Superbia", this card is unaffected by your opponent's card effects, also you take no damage from battles involving other Fiend monsters you control.Lore
The boss is here to annihilate. And with her Pride she won't care about your
negationswords.Spell/Trap (3/3)
Spoiler
Activate 1 of these effects. You can only activate 1 "Grimoire of Condemnation" per turn.
● Send 1 "Corrupted" monster from your Deck to the GY, and if you do, gain LP equal to its DEF.
● Fusion Summon 1 Fiend monster from your Extra Deck, using monsters from your hand or field as Fusion Materials.
If your opponent takes damage while you control a Fiend monster(s): You can banish this card from your GY; inflict 600 damage to your opponent.
Target 1 Level 4 or lower Fiend monsters in your GY; Special Summon it. Then, negate the effects of all monsters on the field that were Special Summoned from the GY. During your Standby Phase: You can banish this card from your GY, then target 1 monster your opponent controls; send 1 Fiend monster from your hand or field to the GY, and if you do, take control of that target. It becomes Fiend, also it cannot attack directly. During the End Phase: Send that monster to the GY. You can only use 1 "Rite of Condemnation" effect per turn, and only once that turn.
Target 1 Fiend monster you control; destroy it and 1 card your opponent controls, then inflict 600 damage to your opponent. You can only use each of the following effects of "Condemnation Impulse" once per turn. If this card is sent from the hand or field to the GY: You can send 1 "Corrupted" monster from your Deck to the GY. If a Fiend monster you control battles: You can banish this card from your GY; it gains 600 ATK during that damage calculation only. Also, if it is a "Corrupted" monster, it gains 600 ATK.
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I'm here just to make custom cards for my fiction, but since there is a forum here so might as well doing this. Im JPAlpha, once a competitive YGO player who started around Tele-DAD and kept playing for so long before irl became harsh and forced me to take my break around early 2017. As for now, Im currently playing DL on my phone and finished all YGO anime saved for VRAINs which I really had no time for it. So I guess aside from 3 years lag of TCG experience, Im pretty hardcore YGO fan lol. Aside from that, I also watch and play mainstream anime and games and is interested in writing fiction and RP. Needless to say, YGO RP here is appealing (Im mostly on RPN + Iwaku, which really lack good YGO) and I might look into them soon. Looking forward to having fun here!
Yu-Gi-Oh! Cosmic Path [OOC/PG-16/Not Accepting/Starting Soon]
in Out of Character Planning
Posted · Edited by JPAlpha
CS adjustment
And (the edited) CS is done!
Name: Lucia Mikazuki
Age: 18
Birthday: 13th July
Role: Action
Appearance
While her physique didn't stand out back in her homeland, Lucia's height of 5'2 is rather below average in USA. As a result, she is often mistaken as a high or even middle schooler despite being a full-fleshed college student.
Personality:
Back in the past, Lucia was very cold and pragmatic as a result of her inhumane upbringing. A girl whose only view on others was based on how she could take advantage of them and would never hesitate to sacrifice anything to achieve her goal, not even trust or lives. That said, she could be described as empty shell who never understood emotions nor had any wish of her own. If she was shown to have some sort of goal, expect it to be an order from her father that obeying them was the only choice she was taught. One thing that would never change from this point onward was her determined nature. Once she set her mind on something, she would give her all into achieving it. For her, it's always all or nothing.
Following a fateful encounter with a certain boy and learning about Duel Monster, Lucia became more human thanks to acknowledging such strong desire to win as her own wish. She started to express genuine emotions and see good side of everyone around her. Unfortunately, even with trying to get close to others without taking advantage of them, she couldn't change the impression that her past self and her family name already gave off for so long.
After moving over to Seattle, Lucia adopts a new set of personality, becoming much more cheerful, energetic and childish (to the point of slightly mischievous). Her physical appearance might not be the only thing that gives off the wrong impression about her age when the girl herself still regularly pout to others and explain the reason behind a lot of her actions as "because I want to do it, period." That said, she still retains top-notched calculating mindset and always think about consequences before taking actions. This results in her being one of the most friendly and popular girl with many genuine friends as she always wished. She also openly expresses her interest in Duel Monsters and becomes an eager duelist who won't decline a single challenge from anyone.
Biography:
Lucia Mikazuki, real name Sugihara Akari, was the youngest child of the current head of Sugihara Group, one of Japan's largest financial group based on a renowned family name excelled in various aspects. During her childhood, she was raised in the most inhumane way possible, ending up as a breathing robot that was programmed to do nothing but uphold the reputation of Sugihara family. Things continued like that, until the day she enrolled into one of the most prestigious high schools in the country.
There, she met that person. At first, he was nothing more than an upperclassman. However, the card game he was playing with their classmates piqued her curiosity. After a while she bought some cards and made a deck after some research. Unfortunately, she lost her first game, but it was this very moment that she learned something important.
There existed something that she could "lose", failing to achieve optimal outcome as she was always taught, yet still had so much fun and excitement playing and trying to win.
He became the first person to ever become her friend without any ulterior motive from both sides. During the few months they stayed together, he had taught her not just about stuffs related to Duel Monsters but also emotion and common sense that the girl was severely lacking.
Pleasant time always went fast, but it was even faster for her since he got scholarship and had to graduate early for studying abroad. After he left, they didn't exchange any contact information, but Akari kept playing Duel Monsters competitively to the point of getting her father pissed and receiving a harsh punishment for doing such irrelevant thing. Eventually, she had to gave up playing in order to avoid further conflict.
Even though Akari had abandoned her old emotionless self, but with her excellence in various subjects and that premium family name, no one would ever become her friend out of their true feeling. Either she was too good for them, they were trying to take advantage of her or they were afraid she would take advantage of them. After realizing that, she finally gave up on another thing she never wanted to give up. This time, she finally came up with a plan.
After giving her best performance in every aspects for an entire year, Akari successfully graduated from the school as a top scorer and a student council president. With that feat achieved, she confronted not just her father but the Sugihara Group's board of directors about wanting to study abroad. Conflicts ensued, but even though her father insisted she must stay at the country's best university where he could monitor and control her action, in the end she was allowed by the majority of the board to choose her own future.
Once she moved over to Seattle, things were settled rather smoothly. False information about her address, selected faculty and achievement were fabricated and constantly sent back to her family while the girl herself became Lucia Mikazuki, an ordinary Asian-American girl who lived in the average dorm closest to the college and was actively starting to make friend. She then ran into the flier looking for a member for Duel Monsters team, and, after a full year of not being able to play the game she love, she finally realized.
That right now, she could do anything she want... without someone stopping her with stupid reason like family achievement and reputation anymore
...hopefully.
Deck and Ace Card
Witchcrafter Deck with a series of non-archetypal aces that will increase over time (only 1 for now) as well as in-archetype new monsters and supports
Custom cards
If this card is in your hand, you can Ritual Summon this card by discarding 1 Spell and Tributing monsters from your hand or field whose total Levels equal 4 or more. (You do not use a Ritual Spell). (Quick Effect): You can discard this card, then target 1 Spellcaster monster you control; it gains 700 ATK. You can only use this effect of "Enya the Magical Blaze" once per turn. Cannot be targeted by your opponent's card effects. If this Ritual Summoned card attacks a Defense Position monster, inflict double piercing battle damage to your opponent, also it can attack once again in a row.
You can Ritual Summon this card with any "Witchcrafter" Ritual Spell. If a "Witchcrafter" monster you control would discard to activate an effect, you can send this card from your hand or field to the GY instead. If this card is Ritual Summoned: You can Special Summon 1 "Witchcrafter" monster from your hand, and if you do, add 1 Spell from your GY to your hand. You can only use each effect of "Witchcrafter Piatto" once per turn
You can Ritual Summon this card with any "Witchcrafter" Ritual Spell. If a "Witchcrafter" monster you control would discard to activate an effect, you can send this card from your hand or field to the GY instead. If a card or effect that targets a "Witchcrafter" monster you control is activated (Quick Effect): You can discard 1 Spell; negate that effect, then destroy 1 card on the field. You can only use each effect of "Witchcrafter La Palma" once per turn.
This card can be used to Ritual Summon any Spellcaster Ritual Monster from your hand or GY. You must also Tribute "Witchcrafter" monsters from your hand or field whose total Levels equal or exceed the Level of the Ritual Monster you Ritual Summon. While this card is in the GY because it was sent there this turn, Ritual Monsters you control gain 100 ATK for each Spell in your GY. During the End Phase, if you control a Level 5 or higher "Witchcrafter" monster, while this card is in your GY: You can add this card to your hand. You can only use 1 "Witchcrafter Divination" effect per turn, and only once that turn.
[Placeholder for future cards cuz Im bad at this site's code xD]
Miscellaneous:
- While being a girl with strategical thinking, Lucia doesn't despise surprise elements. In fact, she even love something full of mystery like witchcraft or street magic show as far as to practice it herself. With her determined nature, her current skill level on magic and sleight of hand technique is on par with manga Yuya.
- Since Lucia lacks familial love, she treasures the bond with her deck and each monster in it as though they were her actual family.
- If this thing kicks off I'll definitely put some theme songs here!
- I have some ideas regarding other characters mentioned in her Bio, especially that person who defrosted her. If the story progresses to the point where secondary character is allowed you will definitely see him