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“Peace is the last thing he deserved,” MirageGaogamon snarled. “MirageGaogamon, calm down,” Sora warned. The others were silent, with Arthur and Gagagigo unwilling to answer either Itsu or MirageGaogamon, while Eria and Kairi watched expectantly. “Sora, I understand that you started this on her side, and Arthur and I have no place to judge if any of you see her side of this. Itsu may have a point about being better than Arturia, but that is a low, low bar. As for you, Itsu, I’m sure you heard what Arthur and I were just talking about. He and I had no right to be considered heroes to the Digital World, and yet we were honored regardless. Even now, we are still trying to live up to what our peoples expect of us. We share that much in common with you, but if you had thousands of years to change Protheus, and he cast aside all your help the moment he began to fear for his own life, then I cannot imagine that you would have ever made him the man you hoped he could become.” Rather than respond, the person in question only fixed a silent look upon MirageGaogamon. There wasn’t much she could say to change his mind, but he’d asked, and she’d answered. Nothing was left for her to say in that regard. “That’s enough,” said Arthur. “I get what you’re saying. Both of you. Itsu, you tried to help Protheus the same way MirageGaogamon and Eria have helped Gagagigo and myself. Protheus sure as hell wasn’t worth it, and he isn’t someone we can just ‘agree to disagree’ on, but I don’t see any point in treating you the same as him. He’s dead, and Isamy is next. After that, if we can somehow get the Key back from Isamy, then the Door is ours.” “If you reach the Door,” Eria asked Itsu, “What do you intend to wish for?” To that, Itsu shook her head. “The Door of Origin isn’t for me－not anymore. The moment I fell in the war, in the Pathways, I forsook my opportunity to attain it. Right now, I’m just a shell of my former self.” Then proceeded to shrug. “No worries though. When you guys emerge victorious… if you do anyway… I have no doubt the victors will restore the fallen universes back to the way they were. I myself lost friends and family to Isamy’s antics, you know. As long as everyone comes back and the multiverse carries on, I’ll be satisfied.” And, after thinking for a bit, a radiant smile grew on her face. “You know what? Looking back, I think I’ve come pretty far. Dan did tell me I was basically a Mary Sue, didn’t he? Hated it at first, but well, it’s not so bad to have a fulfilling life. Friends and family. Successful projects and countless happy memories. The people I met? The worlds I saved? I don’t even know what to say about the religion built around me. Everything I never had, I fought for and I gained. Not bad for someone who started out as a motorcycle struck by lightning... if I do say so myself!” She chuckled to herself. In other words, Itsu Fudo was essentially admitting she was an old woman. Someone who’d lived a fulfilling life all the way to the present. “So yeah. All my wishes have already been granted, Eria.” That this was enough for her. “Except maybe...” But she stopped herself. “Well, there is one thing. But it’s not something I need the Door for. I’ll keep this one to myself.” Arthur and Eria shared a glance. She spoke so casually, but they could barely begin to understand everything that she must have experienced. “I’ll trust you on that,” Eria told her. She was a little certained about whatever Itsu may have had in mind, but she wasn’t afraid. MirageGaogamon’s unsubtle huffs were enough to show his own feelings, but he didn’t push it any further than that. Being worshipped as a goddess and having a whole religion seemed like far too much, but Eria admired Itsu. This Origin War was, at least for Itsu, a chance to finally lay old grudges to rest. In the Pathway to Remembrance, Arthur had compared himself to Protheus. Considering that, it wasn’t hard to understand why Itsu could care about Protheus, even if she was the only one in this whole war that would dare to do so. “You won’t end up like Protheus,” Eria told Arthur. At first, Arthur blinked, not sure what to say. “Thanks?” he answered. “Sorry, that was a little random.” He rubbed his eyes; they looked a little red. He was trying hard not to show it, but Eria knew that he had been crying when he thought no one was looking. He could only put up with so much more. “Well, at least you’re not beating yourself up right now,” Eria giggled. That’s probably a good sign that you’re feeling better.” Arthur smiled, so she knew she must have been doing something to help. “Let’s not worry about what might go wrong in the future,” Sora reassured them. “We just need to make sure we can still survive, and see all the good stuff still waiting for us.” Arthur rolled his eyes. “Okay, you guys can stop with the corny pep talk. Itsu, I appreciate everything you’ve done, even if I don’t know what you’ve been through. I don’t even want to know what you meant about being a motorcycle. We all have a wish to make on the Door. I just have one last question. If we kill Isamy, what happens to the Omni Principle? From what Chardonnay told us, killing Protheus means that Isamy is the only Omni left now. So does that mean if she dies, there won’t be another Omni? Because I don’t think this war can truly be over if there’s even a chance that power can just go somewhere else. It doesn’t matter if it’s Protheus or Isamy. Whatever happens, the Omni Principle is what we need to destroy. Right?”

Itsu Fudo, Epiloguous "Why would you let that… that demon survive all these years? For all I know, none of this would have happened had you stopped him long ago. If you could, knowing everything that’s happened, do you think you made the right decision?” “Yes.” It was a simple answer. Itsu Fudo didn’t even hesitate. “I mean… I can’t say you’re wrong about many things, MirageGaogamon. I can’t say you’re not justified to feel the way you do. Although, even if I’m not sure how much you managed to see within the Library of Solace, I’m willing to guess there might’ve been a bit more than you had time to look through. I won’t apologise. But the least I can do... is explain myself. This one’s going to be a long answer, mind you.” The expression she had looking at MirageGaogamon was one that was difficult to decipher - there were a mixture of complicated emotions behind this simple conviction of hers. In MirageGaogamon’s eyes, she only a pure raged, barely restrained. “The first thing you should understand is that... I wasn’t always the hero, or the goddess, people consider me to be now. I’m far from innocent. If you think I’m guiltless, you gotta dispel notions like that now.” Around them, the floating lights briefly turned a crimson red. Some of them displaying scenes of horror - a android-like being standing above her opponent, torturing her opponent. A lady in white, laughing amidst a sky fortress while the city below her burned. “Believe it or not, the first time the Herald of Darkness and I met, really met, our positions were reversed. He was one of the heroes of ‘C3’, the Continuum Conservation Collective that would eventually become the Neighborhood Watch. On the other hand, I was at the head of the enemy forces. Did you see this in my Library? It was a disaster that would later be known as... the ‘Paradox War’.” They morphed again, showing a masked woman, standing still as she pressed a button; watching as several universes were caught in the fray of a superweapon, dragged in, absorbed. “The Paradox War: A destructive anomaly preceding the Origin War, a multiversal catastrophe of the worst proportions. There was a being named Paradox who rose up, seeking to replace the multiverse with a single, utopian universe for him to rule over. A Garden of Eden. From beginning to end, I stood by his side.” The lights showed scenes from the Paradox War. Across worlds, warriors from various universes were fighting one another, brutally engaging in combat. “Maybe Paradox wouldn’t have gotten so far if it wasn’t for my loyalty, my assistance... In fact, maybe I was the true villain all along. Thanks to us, the multiverse was nearly annihilated.” “How did you stop Paradox?” asked Eria. “Getting there.” Itsu said, smiling gently. “At the crux of the Paradox War, things seemed lost for our enemies. Our MacGuffin, a reality machine powered by my Emerald Eclipse Amulet, was preparing to activate. In a desperate, last-ditch attempt to end it all, C3 brought the battle to Paradox himself. A force consisting of their best fighters invaded the Malefic Station, and many fell in the ensuing conflict. Their leader Sarin, Princess Judaihime, and a weakened Protheus were the only ones left, managing to break into the throne room where Paradox and I awaited them. It was a simple confrontation at first, with us guarding the MacGuffin and them hoping to break through. Sarin and Paradox kept each other occupied. Meanwhile, I took on the other two in a card game, with Judaihime focused on a brute force strategy to whittle my life points down and Protheus focused more on corruptive attacks to invade my mind, weaken my ability to play. Naturally, both fights were futile.” The lights came together, forming a screen that recreated her description of the events. Amidst a mechanical recreation of paradise were two beings with broken masks on one side, and three exhausted warriors on the other. They recognised the war-torn Protheus and Judaihime among the warriors, but opposing them, Itsu was almost unrecognisable in that black regalia. It was truly a different era, totally alien and unfamiliar to them. “Sarin and Paradox critically injured one another, but Paradox’s immortality kept him going. Meanwhile, the duo’s assault on me was hard-fought, but ended in their loss. With that, the Emerald Eclipse Naughter - a hypergalactic MacGuffin capable of fusing or splitting spacetime - was fully charged. With no one left to stop us, I let Paradox climb the steps to take his rightful place. The first thing he did was point the weapon at me, and fire. After all, Paradox had no need for anyone to rule by his side, didn’t he? Just like that, my story should have ended-” An incoming flash of brilliant rainbow light. Be they men or gods, mortal or immortal, the light was a force beyond this reality. For all anyone knew, it guaranteed certain death for anyone who happened to be caught within, and here it was beaming towards a Itsu who possessed neither the effort nor the drive to resist. As it approached, her eyes had simply closed, as if to acknowledge ‘this is retribution for all my sins’, resigning to her end like the fool she was. Yet... it never came. Her eyes had shot open, and to her shock, an almighty force was taking on the entirety of the blast- No, it wasn’t a force... IT WAS A BODY?! But who- hold on- that silver hair- it- It… IT WAS HIM OF ALL PEOPLE?!?!?! “That madman... jumped in front of me. The man I’d dismissed as just another egotistical warrior, another villain too afraid of our utopia, had just absorbed the entirety of the blast. Of all people, that utter edgelord was saving me? There was no guarantee his immortality would’ve held up to such a ridiculous weapon, and yet, he didn’t even hesitate. It was reality’s sickest joke. I couldn’t fathom it. I really couldn’t. Seriously, who could?!” Indeed, there he was. Standing his ground, shielding her against the greatest force currently known in the multiverse, all the while letting out an evil, maniacal laughter, a booming sound that was all too familiar to the very Counter Corps watching on. Yet this time, in this one unique instance in history, the Herald of Darkness was doing the unfathomable: “Protheus took a direct hit from the Emerald Eclipse Naughter. Turned to me. And before his soul shattered into a thousand pieces, he spoke the dumbest line I’d ever heard.” Placing his life on the line for someone else. “You understand now?! LIVE FOR YOURSELF, IDIOT!!!” In the projection of those memories, they watched as the Herald smiled softly - an expression they had never once seen on the man. And with that, he was utterly overwhelmed by the light of destruction, sacrificing himself in a selfless act, as if to defy every single character trait assigned to him. “Why did he do it, I wondered? Why did that self-centered, overglorified Dark Signer variant throw away everything he stood for… for someone he ought to have despised more than anyone else? Him, of all people, was saving me, of all people…! It was so ridiculous!” As if those words alone were something worth dying for. “Up until that point, I had abandoned my memories for power, gave up on everything, and entrusted it all to another, following through with their desire for a Garden of Eden. Many people tried to reach out to me during the wars, and yet, the idea of atonement was simply too overwhelming to turn back. It’s not like Protheus was the first to try and reach out to me. And yet… His sacrifice was the tipping point that finally snapped me out of my trance. ‘Live for yourself’, he told me. If even someone like that decided to die to tell me something so simple, what does that say about the person I was? I must’ve been a sorry sight.” Itsu sighed, reaching the end of her recollection. “It was the last straw. With that, I finally came to my senses. I stopped Paradox before he could disassemble me as well, hijacked control of half of the Naughter. He tried to appeal to me－and when I refused, we ended it in a final, climactic duel to prevent the Convergence Point. Then, at long last, the Paradox War came to a close.” The light changed one last time, revealing an iconic image. A bloodied Itsu Fudo, having finally come to her senses and ended the war, resting on the floor amongst a severely damaged throne room. Awaiting the arrival of C3’s remaining warriors. Awaiting her own uncertain, yet hopeful future. “That was a point in time where I lost myself. It took countless universes to drag me out of that mess, but you know… They succeeded. I seriously didn’t deserve it, but rather than be imprisoned, I was being hailed as a hero of the Paradox War. All I could do was try to live up to it, dedicate myself to making up for my actions. It was the only thing I could do. To try and rediscover the hero I once wanted to be.” Itsu sat down before MirageGaogamon and the others, while the light of her memories faded. “Wanting to thank the man who saved me, I searched across the many universes and started putting the many pieces of his soul back together. It took a millennia of effort and time, but soon enough, we managed to bring Protheus Maximus back to life.” She carried on, letting out a tired sigh. “I mean, we didn’t get along straightaway. It became pretty obvious that Protheus blamed me for his ‘death’. He used some weird, circular logic to try and justify his hatred. And frankly, his aggressive attitude really annoyed me, especially at first! But eventually, I found out why he did what he did at the end of the Paradox War. Why he went against everything, why he sacrificed himself for me of all people... ...because he was just like me. Because he understood the terrible, insurmountable weight of my sins, and yet wanted to say ‘that doesn’t mean your life no longer has value!’. The idea that my feelings might still matter, despite everything I’ve done? The idea that I can still turn back, and earn the life I want? Precisely because Protheus was just as despicable as me, he could afford to tell me it was fine to carry on with my life. It’s the sort of thing only a villain would do, but... It let me become the person I am today... So just like the way he saved me, I wanted to save him, you know?” It must’ve been a lot of information flying over the heads of the warriors before her. She might’ve been shattering their perception of her as a ‘great hero’ more than a little bit as well. Even though she'd once been a terrible villain herself, she was essentially saying it was fine to live your life without the pressure of atonement. That it was fine to be a little selfish like that. “He was hard to deal with, sure. I know he had a dark past in his younger days. But that doesn’t mean that’s all there was to it. When we put him back together - I’m honestly not sure if I could call that man evil. You guys never met him. We butted heads, and we had our conflicts that escalated over thousands of years, but you know? He was starting to listen. He became a dear friend. And soon enough, he, I might even say he was on the verge of becoming a decent person like me. When our illusory Kugena City collapsed, when Pandora threatened universes on the Ringworld, when the comet Faust was about to crush my home... He was insane, arrogant, a Herald of Darkness through and through, but I found I could always depend on him. That’s the Protheus Maximus I knew.” The individual she was describing barely sounded like the sadistic monster they battled on the Lake of Remembrance. The Herald of Darkness they fought, that cruel terror, wanted to be good? “Despite all that... His fears caught up with him. He heard that prophecy, and proceeded to throw away everything we built away. He reverted to the villain he once was, kickstarted the Origin War, did what he did here. I didn’t manage to meet him even once. Just like that, it seems the prophecy was self-fulfilling, forcing his story to end exactly the way it was foretold.” Arthur shrugged. “That’s how prophecies usually work, don’t they? They tell you some horrible fate, and the harder you try to stop it, the more likely it’s going to come true. Understanding that is how we were able to kill him.” “Looks like it. Just like Oedipus, uncertain futures like prophecies are better left unheard.” Itsu responded, nodding in turn before turning back to the Digimon. “But yeah. MirageGaogamon, I let him survive for one simple reason. I’m not Arturia. I’m not the kind of person who thinks sacrificing someone is all you need to do to make the multiverse a better place. Because I’ve been Protheus, I know what it meant to be like him, and I know he had the capacity to become a good man. More than that, I’m certain he must’ve wanted to be one.” She stared up at the galactic sky, letting the lights surrounding them fade. “With one apology, Judgment may be no more.” Itsu uttered quietly. It was a line from the prophecy. The critical line, one which had originally terrified the previous Herald, as Arthur and MirageGaogamon had seen in their flashback. “In the end, Protheus Maximus wasn’t even living for himself anymore. He was just living for an idea of what Protheus Maximus is supposed to be like, too afraid to overcome his fear of atonement… and I failed to help him overcome it. If he only tried, maybe he could’ve been something other than Judgment. Maybe even something better. What a dumbass.” It was hard for anyone to believe, and yet, Itsu’s words seemed to be filled with nothing but honesty and understanding. “If anyone thought he was beyond redemption, then I deserve to be struck down just as much. That’s all there is to it, really.” With that, the former sun goddess stood back up, bringing an end to her long tale. “I hope I was able to shed some light on the Protheus Maximus I knew. I won’t apologise for my decisions. I also don’t fault you guys for doing what you did, not in the slightest. If anything... Your actions might've let him find some peace at least.”

Itsu Fudo, Epiloguous “It’s as real as the future can be.” Itsu nodded, noting the Staff in Eria’s hands with some amusement. “Obviously, the future is made of potential. Time is a flowing ocean, whether it’s here in this realm or out there in the multiverse. It’s not like things are guaranteed—otherwise, we may as well consider victory over Isamy Maximus to be guaranteed. Wouldn’t that be nice?” Eria’s smile faltered at that remark. “However, it’s the future you found. The future that the trials of the Pathway to Origin set you on, and the future that awaits you on your own current path. At least, assuming you survive. If you consider that to be real… Then yes. It’s real alright.” In response, the goddess raised her hands and materialized more wisps of light, at which point they proceeded to softly circle around the group. “Is this the answer you seek, Eria?”

Was going to wait until after I got my own app done but its taking too long as it is so lets get things rolling. Will edit accepted apps into the OP when I’m not on mobile. First up, first accepted. Inventive concept and bonus points for oldschool goodness. Denied. While I like the character concept as a whole, saying no on the basis of its powers and abilities. Not necessarily overpowered,but the ability to spontaniously reach full maturity on command isn’t adequitely explained and takes away from the appeal of playing a young dragon that’s still learning the ways of the world. As well, the idea that the red-eyes archetype simply polymorphs into their various fusion/equip materials is.... odd, to say the least. Do they change shape and fuse together? Is there a time/energy limit? How do they learn to do this? What causes the divergent evolutionary paths that the dragons take (darkness, flare, metal, alternative, wyvern etc)? What about the other members of the archetype that aren’t dragons? I think this needs to be reigned in some and explained more thoroughly so that I know how and why this works and what the limitations are. Give it some edits and we’ll see. I’d also strongly reccomend joining the discord server if you haven’t already. Its a much easier way to communicate. PM me if you’d like an invite. Accepted. Easy to write for, clear cut motivations, and hotpants. What’s not to like? Accepted. I think she’s more of a lawful good than a lawful neutral (LN becoming her alignment if she ever truely falls), but alignment is a fuzzy thing that gets interpreted many different ways so it isn’t a big deal. Its nice to see an underepresented monster type in the party as well. also reccomending joining the discord server. Just PM me if you’d like an invite. Denied. Needs a little cleanup before I accept it. Like I said above, alignment is very subjective but she seems to be far more of a chaotic good than a chaotic neutral. A CN wouldn’t care one way or another how others see their actions, and aren’t focussed on doing good for others so much as they are their own self interest. As well, is Zera... warrior of zera? Or related in some fashion? As for her talents, you haven’t listed anything in relation to using her laser sword or her blaster. Is she not skilled with these weapons? Does she prefer not to use them? Or did you just forget to include that she has sword and marksmanship skills? As well, I’d like to know if there are any limits on her telekinetic powers. Are heavier objects harder to lift? Is there a limit on it? Are these her only psychic talents? Last thing- does the forerunner require a crew? If so how does she operate it solo? Like I said above, just needs a little cleaning up. You should also join the discord server. If you want an invite send me a PM. working on getting my own app finished in the next few days, aaaaaand after that we should be ready to start.

Kiyoko looked at Hotaru as she made her final comment on the matter. It was an interesting sentiment, one that Kiyoko was widely unfamiliar with. She had only ever thought of pressing forward and always keeping active, always making sure that she was ready when the time would come. Yet she had never once considered what would if happen if that time had come while she was busy preparing for it. Truly, her new found signer companion had a wisdom foreign to Kiyoko. Or she was just very lazy and attempting to cover it up with what sounded like wisdom. The stalwart girl had a hard time figuring out if Hotaru was the type to simply save her energy for when it was needed or if she truly was just lethargic. And as such, she hadn't the ability to pass proper judgement at the time. Truly a frustrating situation she had found herself in. While all of this was going on in her head, all Hotaru would be able to see would be Kiyoko's face scrunching up in deep thought as she seemed to be both deep in thought and almost glaring at her. Eventually, coming out of her deep thought, Kiyoko had walked over to the girl. "There is something to your words that I cannot dispute Hotaru, and yet they do not sit well with me. As such," the girl took a seat next to Hotaru, looking back to the girl. "As such, I say we attempt to see merit in the others way of thinking. I will sit here for now, doing nothing alongside you. And then after that, we will do other things together in order to get ready for the coming missions we are to have. Then, at the end, we will see which of our ways of thinking hold more merit. A fair deal, correct?" Without even waiting for an answer, Kiyoko simply sat still as she closed her eyes and folded her arms as she faced forward.

Melissa’s brain was still firing out “call of the void” suggestions even as Elizabeth started moving again (“We really need to stop running into each other like this.” “Oop, let me just sneak right past you.”), so she didn’t quite comprehend everything that Elizabeth was saying. She heard the words, sure, and she got the basic gist, but the complete idea still eluded her. When Elizabeth said, “I’m not sure if I’m meant to be in there,” that was something Melissa could sympathize with, but that didn’t soothe her worry. If anything, it just made things worse. But then, of course, came the question. “Have you ever lost something irreplaceable?” Elizabeth said. “I mean, how are you ever supposed to know when it’s okay?” Surely she was allowed to think about it, right? What was she supposed to say? Everyone was looking at her with this expectant look on their face like the answer was obvious, or worse, that she should think the answer was obvious, but they weren’t her, they didn’t think like her, and it’d be great if everyone would just stop staring at her and let her think about it in peace for even, like, five seconds. But that was how it always went in Catechism class. Somebody would have an idea, some way to develop themselves and their classmates on a spiritual level; Nick and Katie, eager to foster such growth and big believers in the power of self-discovery, would support it; and everybody else, either out of an obligation to follow the crowd, true piety, or some combination of the two, would readily agree. Melissa was in that third category, very much not wanting to cause a scene and also frequently interested in the activities the group did together. But that didn’t mean she didn’t want to think about it first. The choice was always the same. Either she didn’t go and consequently felt guilty for not participating, or she took what could be a massive risk. Like, sure, she knew Nick and Katie and everybody else well enough. She could handle being around them, but other people? Hell was other people. And it could only become more and more hell the more other people there were. For example, for their latest excursion, they’d all taken a tour of a nearby mosque/community center. Melissa had been apprehensive, but the only “other people” had been their tour guide and they had mostly spoken to the group as a whole. And she’d learned a lot! So yes, there occasionally was something to be said for charging into the unknown. This, though… This was different. What was she going to do? Seriously! What a question to drop on someone out of nowhere. Melissa just spent the first few moments taking it in. She hoped Elizabeth would afford her some time to think, at least for a little bit. She even said as much, though it came out more like “Hmm…” or “Uhm…”. But even that was borrowed time. If it was a deep question, it was also an important one, the kind that needed to be answered. There was no “I’ll have to get back to you on that” about it. Elizabeth was clearly looking for an answer and Melissa felt -- no, was -- obligated to give her something. “‘Something’ or ‘someone?’” Melissa said. She knew the answer already. Everyone knew the answer already. It was a desperate lob into Elizabeth’s court, a grab at more time to think. Even then, she felt she had to justify it. “A lot of somethings- A lot of somethings can be replaced. I know you, uh, said- asked, sorry. Um, I know you asked about irreplaceable things, and I’m sure there are, but most, uh, a lot of things- I think a lot of things can actually be replaced. “But you weren’t asking about things, were you?” “What do you do when you lose someone close to you?” That was what Elizabeth was asking. That was what the question was “We’re going to Mister Stevens’ funeral, right?” It was Peter’s idea -- it seemed like it was always Peter’s idea, though that was probably only fuzzy hindsight. He was Melissa’s opposite: always outgoing, always eager. Even when he was being a bit more serious, saying things like, “I think it’d be good for us as students and servants of The Lord to experience the entirety of life’s mysteries,” he always had the slightest hint of a grin. And he was genuine about it, too. If it were anyone else, Melissa might have wondered what his motivations were, but Peter had already laid them out. It was that earnestness that had brought her other two classmates on board as well, which in turn had inspired Nick and Katie, leaving Melissa as the only hold-out. It wasn’t like they hadn’t been invited. Not even an hour ago, at the beginning of mass among all the talk of Bible studies and the upcoming Vacation Bible School summer camp, Mrs. Gracie Stevens had invited the entire church to “celebrate the life of her husband, Howard, this coming Friday.” If it had been a regular of the church, if it had been somebody that she knew, then Melissa wouldn’t have hesitated. But Howard Stevens, or “Old Man Stevens”, had been a Christmas and Easter sort of person who left after communion with barely a nod to anybody else as he marched down the aisle and out the door. His wife had a better attendance record but she frequently left early as well. Melissa, of course, immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario. The Stevens clearly had very busy social lives and Gracie had only invited the church as a formality. There was the expectation of being asked, but not actually one of attendance. Those who did would be surrounded by several close friends and family members, each of whom would ask the same question: “How did you know him?” “We went to the same church,” she would reply. They would frown. “I didn’t think he was really all that religious,” they would say. And then what? The best she could come up with -- it wouldn’t work, but it was the best she could do -- was “It was only occasionally, he wasn’t someone devout of faith Elizabeth’s words rang in Melissa’s mind. There was an expectation there. She was supposed to be, if not spiritually wiser, at least slightly more experienced with the concept of loss and salvation. And to be fair, Melissa thought Elizabeth had every right to have that expectation. That was what happened when one of the key events in your religion was the death of a holy man. Father Gregory would have had an answer by now. He probably got questions like this all the time. Melissa imagined him guiding the questioner, walking through the chapel and up to the altar, or maybe they’d just sit in the front-row pew, side by side. He would explain to them how he understood their struggle, how he never liked “God’s plan” as a response to a tragedy, but the alternative was consigning death into the unknown and unknowable. And he would do it with a quiet, solemn confidence that Melissa could never hope to match. He and the querent would pray together afterwards, a prayer Father Gregory would end with a single beatitude: Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. -Matthew 5:4 (NIV) So went the lyrics of hymns playing in the background as the catechism class somberly entered the funeral home. Melissa was among them, of course. The social pressure that already was there beat out the potential, larger pressure that might not be. It was a pretty small room. It was smaller than Melissa had been expecting, at the very least. Outside of a rather ornate urn, it was a pretty bland room as well. The walls were a soothing beige with only the occasional landscape photo providing any sort of highlight. Folding chairs -- the metal kind, the kind that probably everyone had seen at one point in their life -- had been set up, though, at the moment, only one person was sitting in any of them. Gracie Stevens sat with hands folded together in the center front, slowly rocking back and forth. She wasn’t crying, Melissa noticed, nor were their lines on her cheeks indicating she had been recently, though there wasn’t really a non-sadness emotion she could attach to her expression. “Are we early?” Peter said. They weren’t, but it was still a fair enough question, given how few other people there were. In fact, aside from the catechism group, Father Gregory, and Gracie Stevens herself, the room was devoid of people. And in a moment of clarity, Melissa finally started to understand. The congregation hadn’t been the last people Gracie Stevens had invited, but the first and only ones. And the only ones who were going to show up already had. The hymn faded out and everybody was silent. Melissa wondered if that was because everybody else had realized what she had or if they were waiting for somebody else to make the first move. Were they waiting for her? Surely they knew her well enough that- Melissa took a step forward, then another. If she was guided by anything, it was sympathy, because what else did she have? She could feel the rest of her class’ eyes on her as she kept moving through the quiet, but for some reason, that didn’t seem to bother her at the moment. This -- whatever she was doing -- was more important. She kept going until she sat right next to Mrs. Stevens, who turned a turned towards her and nodded with a polite, superficial grin. “Hello, young lady.” Mrs. Stevens said. “Thank you for coming.” “I’m sorry for your loss,” Melissa said. “I’m so sorry Elizabeth. I really am.” Melissa almost didn’t realize how tremble-y her voice was. But she was finally speaking -- she finally had something -- and there was no backing down now. “Um, but that seems like something you’ve heard too many times already,” she said. “No, it’s not an answer, and I didn’t- I don’t expect it to be one. But your first question… I haven’t lost anyone, Elizabeth. Not like- not like you have. “I feel like, because of that, whatever advice- whatever help I can give you is going to feel hollow. All I have is what somebody else told me. I’m so afraid you’re not going to like it, but, um, it’s all I have: “It’s always going to hurt.” Father Gregory had stepped aside, allowing Mrs. Stevens to say a few words. Specifically, he had said, “And now, Gracie would like to say a few words of remembrance,” but her opening line made it clear that wasn’t exactly the case. Gracie Stevens was standing almost straight, addressing the few attendees with an even voice. “It’s always going to hurt,” she said again. “If there’s anything I want you all to take away from this, it is that. I’ve lost daughters. A son. What friends Howard and I did have. It always hurts. It doesn’t get any easier, even if you think it might. Even if you know it’s going to happen. Especially if you know it’s going to happen. That actually makes it worse. “Howard was, well, he wasn’t the most compassionate man, even I can admit that at times he could be too gruff for his own good. At best, he was liked, but never well-liked, if you can understand that. I admired him, though, well, for a lot of reasons, but most of all I loved how he was always, at the end of the day, worried about other people. If he yelled at somebody or complained, he was always looking out for their best interest. “‘It’s always going to hurt.’ I remember he said that to me after my mother died. “Don’t let anybody tell you that it shouldn’t, that it’s been too long or anything like that. There’s a void there now, one that can’t be filled or ignored no matter how hard you try,” Melissa said. She closed her eyes, trying as best she could to remember it all. “But if you’re not careful, that hurt, that void, that’ll just swallow you up, too. What you’ve got to do is look at the parts of you that are left and do the best you can with them. It’s hard, oh sweet Mary is it hard. But the alternative, well…” Mrs. Stevens turned around and placed her hand on her husband’s urn. “I’m the last one,” she said. “I’ve put so much into this life, lost so much, sometimes I feel like just a tiny, tiny person. That’s all that hasn’t been taken away from me.” She paused and took several long breaths. “I’m glad you’re all here,” she finally said. “Goodbye, Howard. I’ll see you soon.” ... “I don’t know, Elizabeth,” Melissa said as she opened her eyes. “I can empathize. I can pretend I understand. I can even, maybe -- and this is a hard maybe -- talk about the theology- the metaphysics of it all. But that’s all I have. If that gives you anything, I’m glad. I really am.” What else was there? Lunch? Had Elizabeth offered a meal? It seemed like so long ago, Melissa almost wasn’t sure. She agreed with the other part, too. It would be nice to not have to worry about something like this every time she met somebody, if that were possible. It probably wasn’t, but it was nice to think about. But she couldn’t talk about that now. Now, it was a foreign subject, so far removed that the offer might as well have been in another language. She’d remember it for later, maybe, but now? Right now, Melissa just hoped Elizabeth didn’t collapse on her.