radio414

The single coherent thought Melissa could manage as Elizabeth shot out of her chair was not related to Elizabeth’s profanity, nor was it related (directly, at least) to the various sentences that followed. Instead, she recalled the previous week, when the girl by the burger truck -- Akari, right? -- had had a similar reaction to Melissa approaching her. It couldn’t just be her, right? She just was trying to help. And yet… It took a moment, too, for Melissa to parse what Elizabeth had been saying. Some of it -- the first bit -- seemed to be the realization of her worst fears. “The coffee’s a bit stale,” Elizabeth had said, as if that was everything. “I’m fine. I just don’t like stale coffee,” she could have said. But there was also her introduction and the implicit invitation that came with it. “Um, okay. I guess I can get you sugar,” Melissa said. Already, Melissa was having second thoughts about her decision. “Stupid stupid stupid!” she thought, or mumbled, or… whatever. Instead of, you know, committing to either of the two obvious options presented to her -- staying or leaving -- she’d fallen slap-dash in the middle: walking away with the promise to return. All she was doing was prolonging the choice. Why couldn’t she commit? Even worse was the fact that CoffeeCards had way, way too many sweetener options. Melissa personally didn’t care -- whatever was available worked for her. But she knew some people did. Some people preferred the yellow kind, some people thought the yellow kind gave you cancer, some people thought the pink kind was better than anything else, and some people thought that whatever was in those green packets was the way of the future. There was also a bottle of honey, too, and Melissa was pretty sure that that didn’t normally go in coffee, but was she sure sure? The solution, of course, was to grab a handful of everything -- she grabbed some of each creamer too, just to be safe -- and walk back, arms full of just… stuff. It was a little difficult getting everything set out in a way that didn’t cover any of Elizabeth’s cards, but she managed. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Melissa said through the whole process. “Uh, you don’t have to use all of this.” But then, of course, was the other half. The “introduction” half. The time spent on trying to help had provided the sunk cost. It was an easier decision, even if it was still a little painful to make. “Um, my name is Melissa,” Melissa said. “We haven’t met, though I did, uh, I did see you, what was it, a week ago?” Elizabeth could only help but cock an eyebrow and chuckle a bit as the girl, who still had no name, as far as she knew, came over with armfuls of… well, it appeared to be anything with a hint of sweetness. She rushed to quickly move her cards off to the side into a small pile so that they would be out of the way of any potential catastrophe involving creamers and milk. Elizabeth’s cards were, of course, double sleeved with the best you could get from the card shop down the road, but they were far from indestructible. “I- ah- oh no that’s-” Beth made a series of awkward hand motions and half reaches over to the girl to assist her in putting the various sweeteners on the table, to no success. This was the issue with lying, no matter how small: Elizabeth hated sugar in her coffee most days, and the stress of the most recent duel, as well as her emotional run-ins with Yushiro and Ashley, had been rather unkind to her diet; she was far from in the mood for sugar in the first place. But what was she going to do? Let this girl bring the whole service station over to her table and not use it? Even worse, was she only going to use one kind? Elizabeth didn’t even know what the yellow packet tasted like, but she was positive she read something in the news about it causing cancer. As Elizabeth weighed her options, she noticed a certain warmness fall over the room, as the small of her back began to perspire, Am I sweating right now? She continued to look at the various sugars, then back to the girl, and then to her coffee. Panicked, Elizabeth reached for the plain sugar and some honey and quickly poured it into her coffee. She gave a small smile to the girl, and took a sip: it was horrendous. Who the f--- puts honey in coffee, Elizabeth? Was all she could think to herself as the girl finally identified herself, post sugar fiasco. “Oh, you saw the duel, did you? Wish I could have given you something more exciting then, Melissa. Whole performance was a bit of, well let’s say it wasn’t very good now, was it?” her accent hung on the vowels for a bit longer than normal, as if she was unsure or thinking about something while the words were coming out of her mouth. She looked back to Hitomu and the other girl near him, “I’m surprised you’ve not joined her with the winner over there. Bit more deserving of the attention if you’re here to talk about the duel, no?” she took another sip of her coffee, not remembering that she had previously ruined it with far too much honey. A grimace crept across her face, trying her absolute best to hide it, in combination with gently tap dancing around the actual question asked. Melissa frowned. The whole ordeal with the sugar had distracted her a little, but she was pretty sure she hadn’t actually asked anything about the duel. Yeah, she’d brought it up, but… In the background, she could hear Gabriela voice. “...sugar is a poison that was limited in our land,” she said. That got her really worried. With all the different kinds CoffeeCards offered, who was to say any of them weren’t imported from... Romvania (right?). That, plus Elizabeth’s face (she’d clearly asked for sugar, right?) and… and… No! She had to focus. Elizabeth had apologized- well, expressed regret, right? The least she could do -- the least she could do -- was at least respond to that. “No, um, I actually don’t do excitement that well, to be honest. I, uh, do you remember that Masked Chopper during the duel? How it tossed a knife into the crowd and Hitomu had to say ‘Sorry!’ and all that? That was enough- that was more than enough excitement for me. Um…” She trailed off, a little unsure of how to continue. “Um, but you’re not- no, I guess I won’t talk about that then.” A single question -- the single question -- floated back to the front of her mind. Now that they were into the swing of conversation (as much as was possible for Melissa, at least), it seemed a little intrusive, almost too intrusive, but it also refused to be dismissed. It forced itself past the anxious lump in Melissa’s throat and came out almost like a single word. “Areyouokay?” She hated herself for saying it, and immediately tried to cover it with phrases like, “Sorry,” and “I know I said that already, but, um,” but the damage had been done. It had been said. For all her gamesmanship, tactical avoidance, faces, diversions, whatever you would like to call it, sometimes, there was no defense against persistence. Elizabeth seemed to be running into a lot of that lately. On one hand, it was comforting; she had been approached by two separate strangers as of late who both seemed concerned with her well being. That was nice! But on the other, and perhaps the more dominant thought, was she really that broken looking? Had it gotten so bad that even the unknowing stranger could identify that she was a mess? Elizabeth's half smile from the sugar episode faded, and a deep sigh quickly accompanied it. She had become exhausted by this conversation before it had even begun because of how many times she's had this exact talk before. It truly wasn't Melissa's fault, but the days always seemed longer when she went down this road. “I've had better days, Melissa. Not many people who have been dealt my hand would be very chipper, especially not after losing a highly publicized match, as infantile as that may sound.” She moved her coffee off to the side and gathered her cards into a deck again, doing anything to keep her hands busy as the nerves began to creep into her chest again. She adjusted her bangs to keep her occupied, all while fiddling with her bag to open it and return the cards from whence they came, more pointedly attempting to avoid Melissa's stare that Elizabeth was positive would be inquiring about her body language. This was Elizabeth's least favorite part about the “are you okay” talk; the part where the person inquiring knew that you were obviously not okay, and where they didn't say anything because who could possibly predict something so innocuous could turn into a full-on breakdown? It wasn’t like they'd been a part of this mental circus every day for the past two years, and they certainly hadn't had the “are you okay” talk bi-weekly. Why would you, if you were a normal person? Aft- Elizabeth stopped herself; “What I can't figure out, I guess,” turning towards Melissa, throat beginning to once again become sore from sadness, “Is why people keep asking me that like they care?” "But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds," declares the Lord, "because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares." -Jeremiah 30:17 (NIV) After everything, after hanging flyers on the community board, after making the impossible decision to approach the only-not-a-stranger-by-reputation Elizabeth, helping her with her coffee (no matter how unappreciative she seemed after the fact about all that), and sitting down with her, all Melissa had left was a rather thin stack of Community Service club flyers. She looked down at them and found that, without her being aware of it, she’d crumpled them into a ball. She was shaking. And, sure, that was normal for most conversations Melissa had had, but this one felt different. Sure she was nervous, sure she wanted to scream, but the normal accompaniment, that “fight-or-flight-without-the-fight” feeling wasn’t there. “Cower” was normally the remaining option, but that wasn’t there either. “Now! Captain of the Duel Team,” Gabriela said, far off in the other corner of the room, “we must do battle!” “I do care,” Melissa said. How dare Elizabeth say that she didn’t? “No, I mean, okay, you don’t know me but I don’t say things I don’t mean. I- I don’t really say anything at all, really, if I can help it. And okay, I guess you don’t have to believe that either, but, I don’t know, if I said, ‘Trust me!’ you probably wouldn’t accept that and on and on and on up the chain and we’d get nowhere and do you know where I’d be at the end of that? I’d be miserable! And yeah, I’m miserable, uh, about five-sevenths of the week anyway, but I try! “I don’t kn- do you know how I try? To not just, just wallow, sink into the earth and...?” Melissa made a gesture with the paper ball in her hands. “I care. I care so much. Sometimes I care too much and I wonder why I’m doing what I’m doing, or freak out at how many sweetener options there are at a service table and I’m stuck wondering which one I’m supposed to bring this one person -- this one person -- who I notice might need somebody to talk to.” Melissa was running out of breath. “It’s- would I rather that somebody they talk to be anybody else? Of course I would. Of course I would. I- last week, someone dragged me into a conversation I wasn’t ready for and- and I spent minutes -- full minutes! -- in the bathroom afterwards just screaming into my hands.” She made another gesture with the paper. “But it didn’t look like anybody else had noticed you, talked to you, so I guess you’re stuck with me.” It was only then that Melissa realized what she was doing. What she’d done. The damage control “ohs” and “sorrys” immediately came out, but they were in obscured by some pretty heavy breaths. Her heart was pounding a mile a minute. The only other thing she could manage to say was to repeat herself. “I do care, Elizabeth,” Melissa said. “I care.”

I guess if I'm gonna get shouted out I should pay it forward, huh? rep Kayden North Skaia Hakima Klonoa

I had FM in mind when I made the username. Growing up, whenever someone asked me my initials for something, I'd say "FM" and some smart-alek would inevitably say, "Oh, like a radio!" It never became like a nickname or anything -- I never got to be "Radiohead" or anything like that (not that I got into the band or anything) -- and the joke got pretty tired the second or third time it happened, but the idea stuck. Toss in some numbers at the end and bam, a completely functional username. And yeah, it's a little boring, but it's mine. In terms of actual radios, yeah, I guess I prefer FM there, too. I don't think there's a special reason, but the stations my parents listened to while I was growing up were always FM stations so maybe I'm just nostalgic.

I'm not great with episodic stuff at the moment, to be honest. There was a time when I was, when I could plow through whole seasons at a time, sure, and when I did, it was stuff like Gurren Lagann or Puella Magi Madoka Magica -- stuff that was on Netflix that even I, through osmosis, had heard about. I have watched other series since then -- I think Planetes resides in my top slot at the moment (though I understand that's the "wrong" Sunrise-animated sci-fi show to top lists with) -- but yeah, not really my thing anymore. What I have gotten into more is movies. There's a very good independent cinema near-ish me that, while I'm sure it doesn't get every Japanese-animated theatrical release, still does its best to at least be the place to be for the more in-demand ones. They rerun Ghibli movies every so often as well. So that's where I've been getting most of my anime: new releases like Mirai (which was very sweet) and rewatching Spirited Away for, like, the sixth time. I'm open to recommendations, though! I might not get to it right away but I do generally like people talking about media they like.

I'd say, "Oh, I like all kinds," but that's a cop-out answer so instead, let's go through some albums I listened to recently. Starting with more acoustic: The Attractions of Youth by Barns Courtney. Wikipedia lists Barns as "Folk-Pop" which I guess works? The album kind of splits that distinction down the middle, with songs like Glitter & Gold and Champion much more pop and songs like Goodbye John Smith and the title track a little more folk-leaning. I admit I like the former more than the latter but I can appreciate both. Haunted by Poe. The title track, Not A Virgin, and both versions of Hey Pretty stand out in particular. I also like the story behind it -- a woman going through tapes her father recorded of her before she died. Or maybe I'm just a huge House of Leaves nerd. Either works. Nonagon Infinity by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard. I stuck Robot Stop on one of your "Yui Rates Music" threads, but this album is definitely something to listen to all the way through, letting each song blend into the next until it loops back to the beginning like an endless loop. Other King Giz albums are good too, but this one's my favorite. And on the electronic side: Studio Killers' self-titled album. Jenny is, of course, very good, and deserves all the attention it gets, but I'm also partial to All Men Are Pigs and Friday Night Gurus. Anything by Justice. † ("Cross"), their debut album, can sound half-unfinished, like somewhere along the line they forgot to put in a melody, but I think that's what attracted people to it (and, by extension, the reason some don't like their other two albums), while Audio, Video, Disco and Woman both act as extensions of that same philosophy. There are so many songs I could put here, but special mention has to go to Planisphere, which goes almost 18 minutes and, in my opinion, never gets boring. I also have developed strong feelings towards the Eurobeat and Electro-Swing genres. I think I got into those the same way most people do: come for the memes, stay because, hey, some of these songs slap pretty hard. Recommendations for each of these categories would be The Top for Eurobeat and Fear and Delight for Electro-Swing.

I don't normally stray too far from the RP section, but I figured eh, what the hell? Let's A some Qs.

Example: So yeah, should be "replying"

Melissa had almost made it! The emphasis was still on “almost,” sure, but her door was in view, at least. She’d had to look away from both the person holding the door for her and the sign right next to them that said DO NOT LET STRANGERS INTO THE DORMS but she had done it and now, finally, only a single door remained. Melissa just hoped Hoshiko was home. She had to be, right? Sure, she seemed like the type of person to stay out late, but it seemed like everybody had been watching the duel. Would Hoshiko really be the sole exception? Melissa tried to swallow her fear, but it just got caught on a lump in her throat. Or maybe the fear was the lump? Either way, it kept her standing outside her dorm just a little longer. She did knock eventually, though, just a quick rat-tat-tat before taking a step back and waiting for a response. Hoshiko opened the door after only a bit of waiting, though with the towel over her right shoulder and shampoo bottle in her left it looked like Melissa might have been interrupting some pre-bathing preparations. Still, Hoshiko seemed cheerful enough “Hi!” she said, and gestured for Melissa to come inside. “Sooo… how was your day?” “Um, fine,” said Melissa. She wanted to say more, but she bit her tongue. Was this an actual conversation or small talk? She scratched her head a little. Hoshiko was obviously happy to see her, which was nice, but she couldn’t be sure how much of that was “actually friendly” and not “generally cordial.” But as the silence stretched on, ever increasing in awkwardness, she finally broke. “Sorry to interrupt, um, you’re about to use the shower? I forgot my key this morning and, uh, yeah, that’s why I had to knock,” she said. She almost immediately regretted it, but she said it. “Oh don’t worry about it,” Hoshiko said, brushing one of her bangs out of her face. “Well, then it’s pretty fortunate I got here first, right?” She giggled a bit as the two walked into the room. As she closed the door, she continued to speak. “Anyways yeah, I was about to shower. Do you need to use the bathroom before I do?” she said, gesturing towards the restroom. “Maybe to scream a little-” She did manage to catch that one, wedging it against the lump in her throat so that it only came out as a coughing fit. That lasted for a good, solid, moment, but when she finally came up for air, she managed to change it to “Maybe just a glass of water.” But of course the coughs came back and she doubled over into her elbow again. With her free arm, she gestured over to her desk where she already had the glass set up. “Could you- sorry.” She hacked out another few coughs. “Sorry, could you get it for me?” Hoshiko was already on it. “A-Are you okay!?” she said, loud enough to hear over the running tap. Not that she gave Melissa any time to answer; by the time Melissa was ready, Hoshiko was already back, full glass in hand. Melissa drained her cup, took a few deep breaths, and looked back at Hoshiko. “Thank you, I’m fine,” she said. “Thanks for the water, I don’t know what, uh, what happened there, sorry. Um, anyway, how was your day?” “Oh, it was wonderful!” Hoshiko said, whatever concern she’d had clearly melting off her face. “I met some lovely people at the café nearby and saw a beautiful duel!” She looked at Melissa with her head slightly cocked to the side. “Oh, did you see the big duel too?” “I did,” said Melissa. “I, um, I was actually so close the duel space hit a chips bag I had.” She left out the part where Gabriela went off at Hitomu. She wasn’t going to speak ill of someone she didn’t really know yet. She had another cough but was able to get to the sink herself this time. “Sorry,” she said. “Um, oh, I’m keeping you from your shower, aren’t I?” Hoshiko hopped up on her bed. “No, no! Not at all,” she said. “The shower can wait. I’d rather talk with you right now.” She paused a moment smiling at Melissa, maybe chuckling a little to herself as well. “So, you were at the duel? Shame I didn’t see you there… then again, I didn’t see much of anyone, really. Guess I chose the wrong seat! Make any new friends?” Hoshiko was laughing about it, but each laugh just made Melissa feel guiltier and guiltier. Of course Hoshiko was at the duel! She’d been operating most of the day with the “everybody’s at the duel” premise, but for some reason had left Hoshiko out of that “everybody.” Why didn’t she look for her then? Even if Hoshiko had wanted to stay for the duel (Melissa reasoned she wouldn’t be able or willing to convince her otherwise), Melissa finding her would have given her somebody to sit by at the very least. “I’m sorry, I should have looked for you,” Melissa said. But that did remind her of another thought she’d had that day. “Um, we should probably swap numbers so if we do need to find each other, um, we can.” She took out her phone. “I can just, um, do you want mine first?” “Oh… oh!” Hoshiko said. It looked to Melissa like she was blushing a little too, which was reassuring since, you know, it meant she probably felt at least a little bad about forgetting. It was either that or Hoshiko was faking it, which, while unlikely, was still a thought that wormed its way into Melissa’s head. Either way, Hoshiko had pulled out her phone, which had a vibrant pink case with a small, white bunny hanging off of it. She fiddled around on it for a moment, then looked back up at Melissa and said, “Whenever you’re ready.” “Okay, it’s, uh, you said you were ready? Uh, six six nine, that’s the area code, and then two two one, six two five one.” As she watched Hoshiko punch in the numbers, she added, “Um, but no, you asked if I’d made any friends, sorry, uh, I met some people, but I’m not sure if we’re actually friends yet. Um, what’s your number?” “Don’t worry too much about it,” Hoshiko said as she started typing in a text to Melissa. “Meeting people is the first step to making friends, after all!” Melissa felt her pocket vibrate. Checking her phone yielded the message: Heeeeey, this is Hoshiko. (▰∀◕)ﾉ “I’ll, um, thanks,” Melissa said, as she added Hoshiko to her contacts. “I’ll keep that in mind.” Have mercy on me, Oh Lord, a sinner. Wipe away my transgressions, and let me be reborn anew in your glory Help me turn away from sin, and move towards your eternal light. Lord, I thank you for today, as I thank you for every day. Thank you for giving me the courage to deal with adversity, and thank you for the wisdom and insight to show compassion. When I rise tomorrow, I ask for that same strength and purity of purpose and let me continue to spread your word. In the name of The Father, and of The Son, and of The Holy Spirit, Amen Wednesday, September 13, 909 PD Feast of Saint Venerius the Hermit “What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.” -James 2:14-17 (NIV) Connor, Melissa decided, was being kind of a jerk. Instead of the last week’s “go out into the world” approach -- which, while terrible, would at least have been consistent! -- he had set up a sort of shift schedule with not only times for each member of the Community Service Club to man the table, but also times for each of them to go around handing out the leftover pamphlets from last week’s festival. Now, Melissa knew the separate club sign-up “jamborees” (as Connor had put it) weren’t entirely his fault, but she still blamed him for basically creating obligations for her without her consent. She wouldn’t have minded so much if it weren’t for, well, the exact same reasons that had made last week’s a struggle to get through. There was one benefit, though. Because Connor had gone and given everyone specific times they had to be at or near the club booth, that meant for a good long while, at least, she had to be at the booth. None of this wandering through crowds stuff, and with comparatively fewer people looking to join a comparatively mundane club as oppose to the flashier Duel Team or really any other team, for that matter, that meant she had much more time to just be by herself. A whole lot more time to just be. It couldn’t last, of course. After what was probably an hour (even if it felt significantly shorter) of half trying to attract new members and half, you know, avoiding even the most casual of glances like the plague, Melissa was in the middle of doing the latter when she felt her phone buzz. From: Connor To: Melissa, Jennifer, Tim Shift change. Jen your up. From: Jennifer To: Melissa, Connor, Tim Brt From: Connor To: Melissa, Jennifer, Tim That means Melissas next on flyers. And again she was called into the crowd, which she approached like an agoraphobic swimmer looking out over the diving board. Just like last week, she had a handful of flyers and not really anywhere specific to go. Just like last week, too, she was doing so at the behest of Connor. Unlike last week, though, well, at least she’d been warned in advance this time. Jennifer seemed to be in good spirits, at least. “Hiya, Mel!” she said. “How’s things?” “I dunno, alright,” said Melissa. “Any sign-ups?” “A couple. I don’t think, uh, I don’t think they’ll show up more than a few meetings though. I dunno. Maybe I wasn’t paying too much attention but I thought I could just tell.” “Huh,” Jennifer said. “I mean, if you say so. You gonna be okay with the flyers stuff? I know crowds aren’t exactly your thing.” “Oh, you know me,” said Melissa. In her head, she added, “Always making myself miserable,” though she didn’t say it out loud. Instead, she took her pamphlets, gave a quick nod to Jennifer as she took her seat -- the kind of nod that said, “Good luck” and not much else -- took a breath and pressed into the crowd. “Pressed into the crowd” was kind of an overstatement. Sure, she really did try, but then she’d get jostled around by people squeezing past her, not even taking notice of the literature in her hand. And when that didn’t happen, she’d picture it happening, people avoiding her outstretched arm as they maneuvered to whatever person or place they deemed more interesting than she. Not that Melissa could blame them, of course. She could imagine a world where the roles were switched, and she certainly would avoid as many hands-jammed-in-faces as possible even if one of them did have something she could be interested in. Perhaps then, this wasn’t the best tactic. Nobody liked random literature and Melissa certainly didn’t like handing it out. She’d hated it the week before and she hated it now. But a thought did occur to her, the only reason she did it last week was Connor forcing her to reach out to new people (and the ensuing few days certainly had lead to plenty of that!) Now, though, all she had to do was spread the word that the club existed at all. So if she just pinned up a few pamphlets around campus, well, wouldn’t that do the trick? Her first stop was CoffeeCards. Surely they had space somewhere to fit a pamphlet or two, she reasoned, and that might attract a few eyeballs if pinned appropriately. It was a quick enough job, though Melissa did have to go back and ask the barista if they had any spare thumbtacks, which was as mortifying a prospect as it sounded. She only managed because the alternative was stealing some already hung up there, which, well, in the battle between guilt and embarrassment, guilt proved the stronger threat. As she turned to leave, though she recognized a young woman sitting in the corner of the room, coffee clutched in one hand, some card or another in her other, and another forty cards or so splayed out in seemingly random fashion on the table in front of her. It was the girl that had challenged Hitomu. Her name was Elizabeth, right? Again, Melissa hesitated. She really didn’t want to be speaking to too many people at the moment (at every moment?) but, on the other hand, if she didn’t at least approach the girl, the thought that she could have helped in some way would eat at her for the rest of the day. She was representing the Community Service club, right? Shouldn’t she serve her community? “She’s going to say, ‘I’m fine,’” Melissa thought, or maybe she said it under her breath. “She’s going to hate you for even asking and someone’s going to notice you and laugh at you and suddenly you’re going to be the laughingstock of the whole shop. Maybe even the whole school if someone’s got a camera somewhere.” But even as her voice tried to persuade her against it, Melissa still found herself making her way slowly towards the corner where Elizabeth sat. Pretty soon, Melissa was standing right at the table. “Um, sorry, are you okay?” Melissa said.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Starly

Church-Going Girl